Random Thoughts.

I have everything, but want nothing.

I need nothing, but crave everything.

I am not happy nor am I sad.

I am not depressed nor am I repressed.

I think to much and over analyze, this life.

This is my life and I can't wait for it to change.

I have had these feelings for a while now and they just won't go away. I can't help, but wonder what is the problem with me. The things I love no longer bring me plessure, the things I hated still make me suffer. I fear that this life will get me down more and more. I refuse to go and seek help for fear of being locked away. Since I have returned all I have wanted is to leave again. To often, have I dreamt of getting in my car and leaving. I know running from the past is not the answer nor is confronting it. The past is just that the past and it is dead, but yet it lives on in my brain; which I have, recently, discovered to be a scary place. I dream of a life where I can be free. I realize that I do a lot of this myself, but I don't get how to stop it. Is it wrong to love what I have, but want to change to so very much? Oh how I wished I had the answers for all the question I have in my head. Oh won't somebody come and save me from this torture I, have, to call life? I wonder and pry that someday I will have the passion I once did. Never wanting to back down from a fight, well verbal one. But, for now, I have to live with my broken sprit and I hate it. Will I ever be happy again?