A new.


I am searching for a new Job. I don't know where and don't care. I am so sick of that damn place.. If I had anymore sick days, I would be using them. I should talk to my DM tomorrow when she comes in and see if I can get some more. I have to sign an affadavited stating everything I saw between two Managers and an employee. I will bet my bottom dollar they will be fired.

You entered my life like a tornado. You throw it upsidedown and broke my heart. I thought we could be what we needed for eachother. Instead what we wanted were the same things, but differently. I wanted someone to love, I geuss the fact that I like to have sex often and you don't made things worse. Everything I did was wrong, and we just ended up like oil and water. Just like a tornado I am here to pick up the pices of my life and put them in order. If this is love then I don't want it. For now anyways.

I do have to admit that I enjoyed holding you in my arms, showering with you and watching movies. I was willing to change my future plans for you, but like Romeo and Juliet we are not meant for eachother in this life. Maybe in the next one we will be...... I need my friends, a case of beer, and a nice smoke. I also need my heart put back in order.......

I have fallen and I don't want to get up. There is something about this person that has me all worked up. I think about him constantly. I love holding him, kissing him, I am so happy when he calls, looks at me. I geuss it finally happened I am in a relationship and I am happy about it. Yey for me. Well I must go thought you all should know.

I feel asif I should of died many times ago. I am a shepred with out a flock. My up is now down. My right is now left. "Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil." Delivery from evil is what I need at this moment in time. I am so lost I have no clue on how to find myself. I need help but lack the ability to find it. I have laughed at the crazy people too many times. Now I fear I have become one of them. I am so down that I can not see day light. I need time which is lacking. I am healthy but ill at the same time. I will end this now.......................................

Just wanted to let you all know that if I didn't have Rachel I would be lost in this wierd ass world!

I have been wondering where my life is going. As I sit here looking at my life I want to know where it will take me. I am ready to leave the nest (as it were), but I think that when I leave I will make ripples. Thus far my friends have made leaps, but I want to make leaps and bounds. I don't mean to sound as if I want to out do my friends I just want to go a little further.. I am looking at schools on line and I see some great ones. This is my problem...

I could go, but I would get home sick. ( for what I dunno, a drunk step-dad, dead end job, hmmm.)

I know I would miss my friends, because in the last few months they have been everything to me. I know as of late I have kinda been ditching you guys, but I am sorry.

I geuss i have no reason to bitch... Well I geuss I am gonna set it in stone. I am applying to Orlando Univ. If they take me then I will be off to Florida and finish up school. If they don't then I will go to SVSU and take my last two semsters aboard. Night.

More of my friends need to get text messaging. And I think I am over drinking for a while.........

I have so much to say and no time to say. Well I have the time, but I fear I can't put all the feelings and emotions together just by a few words. I fit so many catagories that it is rather confusing. I am happy, sad, verage of crying, but smiling all the time, depperessed, but repressing, docile, but not. I have never felt so many emotions at once before. This will be my last post for a while..................................

If anyone can tell me how to deal with feelings of love, and death please let me know. I want to tell some one I want them more then I have let on but they don't want to go in that direction. They are atracted to me but don't know about what they want to do...... GOD IS A WOMAN AND HATES ME.......

I hope you all find as much humor in this as I did.


Cancer-"Side involvements with people you know socially could work out advantageously for you. Out of a casual conversation with a pal, a connection for mutual benefits may be discovered."

Capricorn- "Associates could be far more relaxed than usual, providing you an opportunity to treat them more like pals than merely commercial contacts. Doing so will greatly strengthen your allance."

Hmm. The person (I think I want to be with) has a very simular "horscope" as me. Now if I put a lot of stock into it I would say this would be promiseing, but I don't so it's just funny.

P.s.

I am Cancer and the person is Capricorn.

How dare you.....

How dare you make me feel this way.
God why do we have these feelings and why do we tourue ourselves in making them time-in-timeout.
Why do I feel this way about some one that I will Probly never get to be with.
I want you... Do you want me?
We kiss and never see eachother naked.
We share the same bed but never lay as a couple in it.
Why do I feel these nasty feelings. I was happier when I was misserable.

I HATE THIS SHIT........

I hate the last week of College. Write this paper, do this assingment, study for the final, and blah blah blah blah. When this term ends I plan on getting so tore up I will need to take a week off just to recover from the hangover. If you are game leave a comment and we will work on a date.

P.s
Chris if Rachel goes and you offer her one drink I will cut you from ball sack to nose! Got me get me good!!!!!

Moveing on is not something humans do not do eaisly. If you have ever been in love or in a relationship for a length of time, you know what I mean. Few changes have occured not only in one of my close and personal friends life, but in mine as well. I have realized that I want more then great sex. I also found some one whom I thought I could be with. Alas, we have discovered that we can't; for reasons we know and that is how it will stay. I am not hurt but happy that my realtionship could end like that and I think the two of us will stay friends and maybe try it again at a later date. While the two of us were doing what we were doing I learned something about myself I did not know. I have the ability to love someone and not in a jealous way. I had no problem with this person doing there own thing at parites, because I too went off and did what I wanted to. I admit I enjoyed their company, but am not sad that the two or three week fling ended. It actually opened my eyes and taught me that love is something I want, but what I am still unsure of is this. Do I want to raise my children with a person or raise them on my own and then settle down as it were. I have no fear that I will do what I want in this life, well career wise that is. But the thought of me spending my life with an indvually and have to deal with them on a dailly bases is not something I want. Face it folks I do what I want rather people want me to or not. I just hate the thought of someone telling me that I can't spend my money the way I want. That is the biggest issue I have with a LTR (long term realtionship).

Hey Rachel if the two us are still single and living when we are, oh say, in our 70's what you say about gettin married and picking a retirement home together. We won't have to worry about sex, I'll be to old to do anything LOL!? Let me know.

This is not like me to post about something in the sky, but I have to tell you all what I saw. On, my way home last night I saw something in the sky. It hovered over my car for one min then it was gone. I mean completely gone, disappeared, into the sky. It was nothing I have ever seen. This is what I saw. A triangular "craft" with three white lights and one red light in the middle of the "craft". Granted, I do believe there is something out there, but I was just saying that so I would never see something. Then my cell phone battery randomly dies. It was fully charged. I just got done charging it the night before. If any body can explain and help me rationalize what I saw please leave my a comment.

I have this to say.............................

You fill in the rest.

Thy must cover thyns own ass. I have covered my ass this week. I am now an S.L. at work that means roughly $7 an hour and 30 hours a week. I still might have to look for a part time summer job just so I can pay off my cards and not worry about them. But I doubt that I will do that. I will be okay with making the min payments or a little more for a while. I figure when I go to SVSU I will get a student loan and pay all of that card off and not worry about. I figure as long as I can pay my rent, car, loan, and have enough money at the end of the month I will be fine. Well I am off to buy some new work clothes so I will catch y'all later.

I am going to fade away for a while.

I don't know why, but I feel that I am not destined for a friendship with him. For some reason that is bothering me. For the second time in my life I am left thinking what did I do. When I think that he just lied to spear my feelings. I don't get why people do that I guess I may be too honest about life, but what are you going to do about that. If I never have a singfagant other in my life I just may be fine with that. I guess seeing all my friends "happy" with their relationships made me want it (a relationship). As I write this I realize that I was happy without a person in my life but hey. I guess I am just pissed at myself for not reading between the lines like I should have. I am so looking forward to talking with a psychologist and maybe moving on with my "issues" and finding my real self, if that really exsits. If therapy doesn't work I just may gas up my car and go west for a while and maybe write my book and live as a bum. I hate having responsibilities those are the only reasons I stay here. Well I have wasted enough of your time so I guess I will see you all some time soon. I am sure that one of you all will have a party after I get out of the WTF mode I am in right now. Lord if this is a broken heart. I need more help then I thought maybe I will see you all soon If not I will proally be out west. Love yah all.

Fill this out if you would like a LTR.

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Height:
4. Hair color:
5. Top/Bottom:
6. Fav Drink:
7. Do you go tanning?
8. Cuddle or make out?
9. Do you think im attractive?
10. Are you conceited?
11. Where do you work?
12. Are you in school?
13. Living situation: 14. How much do you weigh?
15. Piercings?
16. Tattos?
17. Fav clothing style?
18. Can you cook?...(I can)....
19. Do you drive? 20. Are you looking for an LTR?
21. If we were together would you try to make me feel special?
22. Do you have any questions about me?
23. What would make me choose you over someone else?

Number five does not need to be answered by the women.

Birthday Ideas.

Following suite with everyone, I am having a 21st bash. It will be at my house in STC and in the barn (no animals). I will have food and a keg and some type of juice for the non-drinkers. We will have a bon fire, beer, food , pool, and movies in the barn and limited house access. My birthday is July 16th this year it is on a Sunday. So the party will start at 12:01 Sunday morn and hopefully go through the next day. The first Keg is on me the second will be a five dollar botomless cup. Also, for the lightweights, i.e Chris it will cost you a mere six dollars a cup. I would say bring your swim suits but we all know what booze + pool = NUDITY!!! So lets keep it rated R and not XXX that because my mum might kill me if she sees any of my friends having sex in or around her house/pool. RSVP with me before the party so I know how much of everything to get.

I wish I was STILL an only child!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, my mom and I were to go to Home Depot and get some paint and carpet for my room today. Then, Jerrad gets up and wants to go. imedatedly after that she says "I don't want to go." All, because she can't say no to him. WTF!!! She will go places with him and not me. Then her car breaks down agian and I am inconvininced yet agian. I can't drive my own car to and fro. Seriously GET A NEW FUCKING CAR. I don't mind every blue moon loaning my car out, but come on it is just about every other day now. Damn, I need to get away. I can't wait to go to the mall of America this summer and Ohio on Friday.

I feel like I am serving a perison term. I work two jobs and go to school full time. In reality I should be banking mad cash but I am not I am still paying bills off. I have not spent money on myself all year. I am really getting anncy to spend some money after this pay check I have decide to spend some of my money on me. I want to go to the outlet mall or maybe Great Lakes Crossing. Any takers, Jeff, Rachel??? I'm looking at you two.

So, the theater keeps trying to push me into the MIT position. I don't want to be a manager there. I am 20 going on 21 I feel like I am 20 going on 31. I want to enjoy my youth while I can and before I settle down and start a life of my own. I want to make my mistakes now so when I am in my forties I don't feel like I missed out on anything in this life. Yes, I have down a lot of thing thus far, but alas I want to more such as parities and I will avoid the whole getting so mashed thing like at Annas party. I think I handled myself, way, better at Al's preimer.

So, my grandmother is in the hospital. That is way I was able to get today off from work. On the lucky side of it all she is responeding better to the meds and just might pull it off. I feel a little bad about taking today off seeing how she might be okay, but I needed a day off where I don't have to do any homework. Well I have ran out of time, so I will pick my my rante a little later. Sorry about all the spelling mistakes I just don't care right now.