I had a messed up dream last night. It was about my Father. I geuss it might be because my mom saw his sister-in-law. She asked about me and my mom told her. I don't understand why I had the dream though. I have no diesire in meeting him. In the dream we meet in a school. He gets up and hugs me. He has a big belly, tall, beard, dark hair, and grey hair. I woke up wondering if I should meet him or just say fuck it. Deep down inside I know he wouldn't welcome me with open arms. I mean what do you say to a person that left you before you were born? "Hi, dad I'm the son you always wanted, but left." or better yet what would you say to the child you left. "Hi, son, I'm you dad. Let's go play ball."

I am lost. I have tons more questions and ponderings to do. I geuss I keep hoping that some day he would come and knock on my door. Not to take me away, but so I can have a father and mother. That is something I always wanted. I know I will never have that. The best I can do is be there for my children. My mom did her best and I think she has done pretty well. If you look at the stero-types for single parents.

Have a happy Turkey day.