Okay, this has been an odd day. First off, I got up went to scholl, normal day there. Secondly, I went home and my machanic called my mom and told her that my car needed Shocks, struits, brake pads, battery, tires, and some other shit. Then, I paid off a couple cards saving me there. My mom then bribed me to go to either SVSU or CMU with a Sony Vivo. Oh yea, I am selling my car. I will not sell it repaired nor will I sell it to friends. Well Thats all ttyl!!!

Okay, I have to tell you all this story of a body of mine at work. He has his car stole in broad daylight, as his neighbor watched, had his mom kick him out of the house, police finding his car and have it gutted like a deer, and wake up this morning with apendix problems. And I thought my day was shit.

Okay, I went to work this morning thinking I could clock in eairly and leave eairly. Well, let me tell you it didn't work out that way. First off, I walk in seeing that I have five faxes waiting for me (shit!). PAYROLL IS TOO HIGH! CUT BACK CUT BACK! then the next four were more yelling threatening us with write ups and all that fun shit. Then, cutting some 50 hours off of one day. Then getting busy and twisting my side. Let me tell you. I walked to the other end of the Consseion stand to get something and got widged between the popper and three other people. Forcing me to leave my waist down stright and then twisting my torso. AS i start to twist I get wedged even further then my body intended to go and all you could hear is my back cracking, OWE! Finshed with my customers and went and sat in the office and took three IB'S.

On a very happy note, I found a store to carry my worlds favorite ice cream "Blue Moon." Yummmmm! Night all!

To the person that has pissed me off to no end. I have deleted you from my phone, aim and all other forms of comuincation in the 21st century. I have no need and no room for people that want to play games. I would rather to know a totally honest person then a dishonest person as you are. If I never see you again it will be to soon. I have to deal with you until the 5th of Septemeber then I never have to see you again. If you see me in public don't acknowlege me and I will do the same. If you acknowlege me I will hit you. Not a pussy as bitch slap, but a right hook. So, if I were you I would choose "A". I do have a mean right hook. So to you sir here is a big FUCK OFF YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH!!!!! :0

Killings need to be legalized. I need to drink. Thank god I am going to the bar on Thursday.

I want to post, but I have nothing to say. .......................................................

Okay, I am use to waking in the moring with swollen body parts, but this is the oddest one yet. I get up do my thing in the morning, and I will be damned if my thumb was not swollen. I don't remeber getting stung in the thumb. I have no clue what this is about but it HURTS.

Some one tell me the point! If one can tell me the point of putting one foot in front of the other and moving on tell me. Cuz, I sure as shit don't know. I am growing bored of lifes rollercosters. I often think that I am ready to find my mate get married and die. Then the youthful part of me kicks in and says, "What?!" You get married have kids (not certain I want them) and have no fun. I am happy I am not sad, please don't read this as me being sad, it's just me thinking. What is the point of getting married sleeping with one person forever. It doesn't sound fun at all. I really don't think that is gods will for us. Why, would we have to do that. There has to be something we are missing. I get we are still paying for the sins of Adam and Eve. Jesus lost his life for our sins. Are we entering a new era of salvation (or in our case re-salvation). We have people wanting to kill us because we have freedoms they don't? That's not right. That reminds me of the old saying "You pay for the mistakes of one person" basicly it takes one bad person to fuck it up for the rest. I for one am tired of paying for others fuckups. I want to pay for my own. All this shit of the son pays for the mistakes of the Father is crap. It is time we pull up our pants and take responsablity for ourselves. I am also dieing to know who said Jesus is our lord?

Break down time. (from the way I see it)

Jesus is the son of God. God create everything. Jesus might of had powers to heal or he was a Doctor and new what herbs to put together to help heal ( I am confident that if the church knows they won't tell. Also, they will pay a lot of money to keep it quite.) As, all my friends know I don't believe what the churches say. I go a different path. I am breaking it down here.

Virgin Marry? Sure.
God? Yes.
Jesus? Yes.
Jesus having powers? Maybe.
Jesus being Gods son? Why not.
God forgiving killers, rapist, moldsters? NO, thats why there's Hell on earth.

Ways to stay out of Hell. Live in HARMONY with all, fill your self with not love nor HATERED. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Follow the rules set fourth and you will have your salvation at the end of your life! Ramblings of Ryan.

Should I start the next church? Tom Cruise has his.

Somebody, asked me today "Why do you want to leave?" My response was why would I want to stay? I have an assoicates and can't find a job paying more then 7 dollars per hour. Then the other jobs pays 8.5 per hour but it's only 20 hrs a week. Either way, both jobs pay shit. When I am in Flordia I will be able to make a lot more money. I mean a sub can make up to 20 K a year. Here, I can make only 12-15 per year. Then, when I have a Masters I will only make 32 starting and finish at around 55. Down there I can start out at 32 but end up make close to 65 per year. In the long run I will be better off getting the hell out of this state. I have no problem with the thought of leaving Michigan. I have a problem with leaving my friends, and mom and cousins. I know I will have there support, because I will be bettering myself and everyone gives support when one is attepmting to better thereselves. I geuss my biggest fear is that I won't make that many friends, but I can always come home to hang with them. Plus you always have friends when you go and drink LOL! Well I have posted long enough!


P.s
I am having a Halloween party here, and maybe a New Years Party (sorry Jeff I know that's your day, but my cousin wants to Host one.)

Why!?!?


When somebody calls you, and you send them right to voice mail, they decide to hang up and call you three more time until you just hang up on them. Then they e-mail asking what's wrong. How, do you tell them to go away. You kind of want to be friends with them, but they annoy you so much that you want to hit them. People suck ass.!!!!!

Lately, all I have wanted to do is scream and hit things. I haven't felt these feelings in a while. I feel that my life is sprialing into shit. I am hoping and praying that I can get back into the school this year. This is my vow, I will not stay in Michigan beyond June. Yes, I am planing to follow suit with some people we have went to school with, but only for a few years. I want to live in Flordia, then Californa. I have not yet decided where I want to go after that. I am so frustrated and don't know why.

It took a lot of courage for me to admit to myself that I was attracted to both ( you all know what I mean), now I find myself attracted to nothing. I still flirt ,a little, but nobody is really get my motor going (allow me to be a little corny). I don't know, I don't think it's deprission. I usually know right off the bat when I am depressed. I think it's just pure bordem. Not with my friends, but with Michigan.

I had a tooth filled that lost it's filling in May or March can't remeber which. Now, the dentist says I might need to see a specialist. They might want to take the tooth or do a rootcannal. DAMNIT. Nothing, can be simple for me. Sorry, I didn't mean to make three paragraphs about nothing I just felt like I needed to get some things strightened out or less crooked in my case. Well, talk at yeah all later.

How can you say you're a friend when you go behind my back and spread lies. Now you wonder why I am mad at you. What gives you the balls to act like you did nothing wrong when you have toyed and spread lies about me. Now, because of you I can lose my job. You're an ass. If I didn't have to work with you I would tell you off. And for the women that is spreading the lies I hope you get yours. If you are mad at me because I got the job you wanted tough shit. They choose the one with the better "customer service skills". And to think I graduated High school two years ago. If you would have told me that I would be living High School all over again at work I would call you a crazy whore....

I look up at the sky and think how nice. How nice it would be to fly away. I have noticed that being an adult means it's a lot of work. What ever happened to freedom. Land of the free. That is what we are suppose to be. How can we be free. Most of us have commeitments. Paybills, go to work, life is vitous. As I was ling on my back I hoped for the day I will be free. Free to move where I want to, when I want to. If I had no commitments I would be in Fl living my life. How I long I had the balls to do so. I truly envy those people that have left to the great and mighty Florida. I am just sick to daeth of it here. I just want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why am I destined to live this way. "What a wicked web we weave once we practice to deceve." William Shakespare.

Pet peeves of the week!

I hate it when people insert numbers in with words such as, "l8er" and/or "str8" that erks me.

People that live to tell other people I told you so. I have to admit I am one of those people, but I have cut WAY back.

People that roll through a stop sign in a parking lot.

NON-BLINKER USING PEOPLE! :O Picture this. I am in the turn lane with MY blinker on and some asshole turns right in front of me. (Rachel I do use my blinker in my car)

To all the BENIFERS of the world come on. You don't have to be up eachothers arses 24/7.

(this one I am guilty of a little) Not allowing people to tell me there feelings without giving my own adivce. I have realized I do this a lot.

The biggest one right now, atleast, is something I have been know to do. Answering a question that is not dircted towards me.

I have noticed some of the things that errk me I have a tendency to do. I will catch ya'all later.

Hi all. Let me recap for a bit here.

This week I found out that a SL is being promted to Asstiant. I don't like this SL. I am appling for a school in Orlando; here it goes. I am really wanting to get out of here. I also seem to have a cold. I have a sore throat, cough, sneezes, slight fever, and extreme fatgiue. I am kinda hoping that I can find another job so that I can leave the Theater. I still need to pay bills off and would love to save up some money$. Also I found this dealership willing to sell me a truck. I still have to wait till next year, but I hope they let me do in then. Next July I will owe 1800$ on my car. The dealer says they will pay that off, pay taxes and plates, and allow me to put nothing down on the truck. Payments would be around 210 a month. That is live able. Now all I need is an apartment, in Florida. My game plan is to drive down there and get an apartment, and get all that setup before I move. I figure as long as I have about 2grand $aved I will be okay. It shouldn't take me more than 2, maybe, 3 months to find a job down there. I have an awsome resume. Plus I will be able to sub, down there. Well now that you are all brought up to speed I will ask this. Does any one out there have a monitor I can borrow for a little bit.

Hi, ? I said hi why the hell do you ignore me?

Oh, I didn't hear you! I thought to myself How fucking hard is it for people to get the hint?

what are you doing?? trying to ignore you. I thought

Oh, just thinking. Shit, now she's gonna wanna get into my feelings!

Wait I thought.. How are you? YeAH, that will get her talking about her feelings.

Oh.. Damn, men. Pretended I cared one time and he gets all mushy.

Yes it worked! Man thought.

That .....(now what? sex, nahhh, kids...female thought.)

Kids, ?? why..??? (crap now she'll think that I dont want kids.)

Yeah you want them right.. (this is going bad)

Of course I do.. the best part about kids is making them. (now she'll think I want to have sex.)

Shit, Now hes gonna want to have sex.)

Damn, now she might want to have sex. (man thought)

Umm, I don't feel so good .... (women thought)

Sweet... thought man.. well i think im gonna head out(man said)

Okay, I'm gonna lay down...

Night, I will be home later. call me if you need anything.


A coulple that has been together for four years plus... in a relationship..

this conversation is true. Don't all men say that and think that when they talk about kids. and don't most women think and say that?? If I am wrong I am sorry. If you really want to know bring it up, see where he goes with it.. If you dump your boyfriend because he tells the truth. I am not resonsible for your actions. Let me know.

Things I've done in the Last 21 years..

No kids. I have accamplished a lot, but one of the biggest thing's I am greatful for is that I don't have a 5 or 6 year old running around.

I am still clean. Yes, I am STD free I admit I get tested every year (from here on out atleast).

I have opened up and admited to my friends and family who I really am (some might say too much).

I have traveled to the end of the earth and came back.

I am still employeed (for now atleast).

I have moved out of my moms' house.

I have my OWN car. This time I have payed for it myself.

I am completely happy with life at the moment.

These are not in any order (hence why no numbers) I think I have done quite a bit in the last 21 years now it is time to change it up and do more things. Here are my goals for the next five years.

Finish my masters.

Figure out what carreer I want and do it. I am still debeating on whether or not I want to teach full time or be a sub. I say that because I don't know if that is the best field for me I still have a strong passion for psychology.

Have kids, I plan on adapting them.

Have a home in England.

Losse 50 pounds.

and stay Happy.

Here, is the date for my 21st. July 15, 2006. That is a Saturday. Time is approx. 7 pm. You are more then welcomed to come out early. I will have some food, music and remember your swim suits. I think I will also have the bug replanent. Not to mention the hole point of a 21st birthday party. Incase, I don't speak to everyone, the few people that read this,if you could do me a favor and tell people the time and date that would be much appreiated. If you have any more questions you all should have my cell number.

P.s
It is in St. Charles.

P.p.s
Just bring yourselves nothing else...... Unless you really dislike beer....

I've this overwhelmlying odd longing to write and not stop. Here is the problem I have an extremely bad case of writers block. I never have writers block. I have wrote five or six pages and then I lose track of what I am writting. I seem to fill the pages with filler. I mean I know detail is great when you are trying to write a book. I really want to write a great story, but filler is not the best start thing to have as your main plot. I have this great idea for a cerial killer, but I just hit a brick wall after the third wife gets offed. I have no clue on what to do. Any ideas???? I was thinking about writting about what is going on in my life, but I don't know if that would be a good idea. Hmmmmm! I NEED YOUR HELP.....................

I have been going through a bit of a needing a change. I have deiceded that I am going to change my name, I no longer feel like Ryan Palmer Ruiz de Castilla. I don't look the part, nor do I feel the part, plus that name is so damn ethnic. My new name will be Ryan Zachary Palmer. I will change it no later than Novemeber of this year. I feel this will be good. I will be able to find myself (hopefully) I have been lost for to long. If I can't find Ryan Ruiz de Castilla, maybe I can find Ryan Zachary Palmer. All I know is that I want to grow up and leave this one horse town and this shit of a State. I hear Nome Alaska is nice this time of year.


I ask you this Who am I?
Where do I belong?
What am I to do in this life??

A new.


I am searching for a new Job. I don't know where and don't care. I am so sick of that damn place.. If I had anymore sick days, I would be using them. I should talk to my DM tomorrow when she comes in and see if I can get some more. I have to sign an affadavited stating everything I saw between two Managers and an employee. I will bet my bottom dollar they will be fired.