I am 21 years old. I should be happy, invincble. Why the fuck does it feel like I lost a love one. Maybe, it's out of fear that I am fucking up my life. I have never gone through my life without a plan. Maybe, it's the lack of school or maybe I am missing a a part of me. I just want to be happy again. I have live a fucked up life and all I want is the pot o'gold from the Rainbow. I can no longer put up this facade of happiness. I never had a creach now I have a lot. My rollercoster of emotions needs to stop. I would love to have one day where I didn't get down, anger, happy, miserable, pissed. I would love to have a day with just one of those emotions not all with the 24 hour pierod. I think my friends have noticed that I am unhappy and out of kindness they haven't said anything. I'm not blameing anyone so please don't take offense to this. I just feel alone. I don't get why. I have a lover, a great group of friends, supportive family, a job I like and I feel like everything in my life has DIED!!!!!! I vowed to myself not to take a pill that will alter my emotions, but as I sit here in tears I have deiced that I need something. I would love to run far-far-away. My responsablities are keeping me here. Maybe, if I were truly alone I would be able to pack and move. I can't do this anymore. I always knew life sucked, but I had hoped for some good. I am hoping that I have monday off. Maybe, Kraig and I will take a drive to a lake or something. I need a chance a new site o'happiness. I am up for suggetions lets keep them cheap.

WTF. I love my mom, but it seems like she does this to me a lot. There is this guy she works with and everybody had outed him. Apartenly he's having dreams about his male co-workers (by the way this guys is suppose to be engaged). So, to make a long story short-ish. This is what happened. The guy perked up when he found hout that my moms son (me) will be at the party this Saturday. I guess he's suppos'd be cute but let's face it I will end up getting hit on by a currouis guy at my mom's party that she is having for my uncle. This is the type of shit Jerry would pay for.

This is my 200th post. Wow!! Hey, I got a new phone. I got a new Red Razr V3. I paid less then two dollars. That's all ttyl.