What A Party.

WOW! That is the best word to describe last night. I had a great time for the most part. The other, I would rather enjoy to forget and never talk about it agian. Lets see I got drunk meet some really cool people. Drank and smoked a lot. I mean I smoked a lot. I remeber, almost, all of it. I rember saying many things, and seeing many things and showing many people my genitals. Which I haven't done in a long time. However, if I am ever invited to another party hosted by Anna and her mates (roomates) I will defintly go and enjoy myself. I will not drink as much as I did last night. nor will I bring a date. Yea, I have to laugh my date found someone else and yea spent the night with him. Note they did not have sex, but hey to each their own right? Fun was had and lessons learned. Time to rember the good and forget the bad.

I Hate Giving up!

I had to drop my Geology class, that sucked big time. Not because I wanted to, but I had to. I don't like to give up. I wasn't raised a quiter, so I hate quiting. I had no choice though, I mean I had 124 points out of 225. Little more then 50%. I droped, because I have no time to do the work nor study for the tests. I hate that because I have never failed a class before in my life and I was so close and I had no way of getting my grade up to passing. Here I thought, I was gonna be done with class at the end of winter, but now I have to take a full load during the spring.

The good news, anyway, is that I can transfer to a Theatre in Marrqute and not be jobless. I get to keep my car. That is only if I get accepted at NMU. I should, I have the credits, or will have them anyways. My GPA meets the requirments for the school as well. So I'm hoping and prying to get in. Well I must go now I am skipping the rest of the day cuz I feel like shit. This is not part of the emotional feelings, but the fact that I am sick.

My New Job.

I started my new job today. I was really shocked to find out that I really like what I am now doing. Yeah, I am tutoring a math class, but I do get to use the teacher edition. I will also be shadowing some students around to their english class as well. Well that is all for now I will type more later.

I'm Coming Back....

So I woke up at eight this morning and then got a job. I will be working at Webber Jr. High School. I start monday. I am so happy. Well I gotta go and enjoy the thought of having two jobs bye.....

Change is Good.

Rachel helped me (well did a lot of work) for my new page. I like it a lot it is very different and that is what I want to go for. I am tring to change and be a happier verison of myself, but I'm not sure what else to do. I can't afford to buy new clothes nor take a trip. However, I do want to go to a far and distint place, Amstedam, Italy, Ireland, anywhere but here. Well I am off to sleep for school night all.

Life is A Bitch!

My car is costing me about 900 dollars that I don't have. I need two new tire. I had a blow out on my way to work to day, that caused me to leave early that equals less money in my paycheck. Secondly, my car needs a new engine bolt. That means they have to unhook my motor then retherad the opening and replace it and hook it all back up. 600 plus. Shit it might even be a nice thousand dollars. Tires fine I can put those on my Sears card. The motor bolt with cost me, cuz my thousand dollar card is at the max. All I can do is hope to finish my FASA forms so that I can get that check and pay off my bills and get my car worked on. God I can't wait to go to the Doctors tomorrow and see if I can get meds. err life is a whore.

Thoughts of Suicde!

Well, I have been feeling a little down and I hoped it would have passed, I was wrong. Last night I was thinking about how easy it would be to slit my wrist. I then knew I needed help. I am going to the Doctors Friday at 9:40 am. I am hopeing that he will give me something, because I really don't feel like talking to people about my scary little mind right now. Furthermore, I don't know where I would start to list my problems. They really would range from step-dad's mental issues (drinking), moms needing to have everything done one way, right to school, work and any little problem in between.

I have been contemplating self-medications, but that would not be very healthy for one to do. I don't much care for the ideas of anti-depressents either, but anything has to be better then this. Well now I must go and finish my homework.

Random Thoughts.

I have everything, but want nothing.

I need nothing, but crave everything.

I am not happy nor am I sad.

I am not depressed nor am I repressed.

I think to much and over analyze, this life.

This is my life and I can't wait for it to change.

I have had these feelings for a while now and they just won't go away. I can't help, but wonder what is the problem with me. The things I love no longer bring me plessure, the things I hated still make me suffer. I fear that this life will get me down more and more. I refuse to go and seek help for fear of being locked away. Since I have returned all I have wanted is to leave again. To often, have I dreamt of getting in my car and leaving. I know running from the past is not the answer nor is confronting it. The past is just that the past and it is dead, but yet it lives on in my brain; which I have, recently, discovered to be a scary place. I dream of a life where I can be free. I realize that I do a lot of this myself, but I don't get how to stop it. Is it wrong to love what I have, but want to change to so very much? Oh how I wished I had the answers for all the question I have in my head. Oh won't somebody come and save me from this torture I, have, to call life? I wonder and pry that someday I will have the passion I once did. Never wanting to back down from a fight, well verbal one. But, for now, I have to live with my broken sprit and I hate it. Will I ever be happy again?

Yeah I Did It. What's Your Point????

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!


Yeah I told you I did it here is the link to My Myspace page. bye

Three More Updates!!!

Hello.

Three more updates and I will have a hundred of them. Wow, that is cool, not really but I can fake it.

After this semster and winter, maybe even spring I will have my macro completed. That makes me really happy, because that means I get to go far away from this area. I was checking out Marqutte last night online and they have a pretty good job market. I figure that if I polish up my resume and shit I might be able to get a good job. Here goes everything.

My game plan.....

My game plan is to recive my Bachlors then go to a grauate school. Then some time after that is all done I will go and get a life....

Bonfire!?!?!?!?!

The fire was good, despite the fact that about everyone was passed out except for Jeff, Paul, and of course Rachel (who did not drink) and Chirs because I brought them. Chirs still can't hold his booze. I don't want to hear about your tolerencey level Chris. Also you have 40 days to find a Girlfriend that is visible, and willing to be seen with you in public. Also, this has to be a girl that you don't know. And when you loose you will owe be 40 dollars.

I really enjoyed myself; I got to drink, and Chirs got smashed after two drinks of his "Rum 151" dork. He kept falling over and laughing like a little girl. He also kept bringing back trees to put on the fire. Normally that is okay, but when the trees are wet it's not good.

The weekend after my 21 st I am borowing my parents camper and planing a camping trip. Chirs if you come you have to bring a tent; I don't clean up vomit. All is invited to the camping trip just pich-in for the booze and such. Also if anybody is interested in the camping trip let me know so that way I can plan and save up. Well leave a comment and let me know what you think, bye.