I look up at the sky and think how nice. How nice it would be to fly away. I have noticed that being an adult means it's a lot of work. What ever happened to freedom. Land of the free. That is what we are suppose to be. How can we be free. Most of us have commeitments. Paybills, go to work, life is vitous. As I was ling on my back I hoped for the day I will be free. Free to move where I want to, when I want to. If I had no commitments I would be in Fl living my life. How I long I had the balls to do so. I truly envy those people that have left to the great and mighty Florida. I am just sick to daeth of it here. I just want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why am I destined to live this way. "What a wicked web we weave once we practice to deceve." William Shakespare.

Pet peeves of the week!

I hate it when people insert numbers in with words such as, "l8er" and/or "str8" that erks me.

People that live to tell other people I told you so. I have to admit I am one of those people, but I have cut WAY back.

People that roll through a stop sign in a parking lot.

NON-BLINKER USING PEOPLE! :O Picture this. I am in the turn lane with MY blinker on and some asshole turns right in front of me. (Rachel I do use my blinker in my car)

To all the BENIFERS of the world come on. You don't have to be up eachothers arses 24/7.

(this one I am guilty of a little) Not allowing people to tell me there feelings without giving my own adivce. I have realized I do this a lot.

The biggest one right now, atleast, is something I have been know to do. Answering a question that is not dircted towards me.

I have noticed some of the things that errk me I have a tendency to do. I will catch ya'all later.

Hi all. Let me recap for a bit here.

This week I found out that a SL is being promted to Asstiant. I don't like this SL. I am appling for a school in Orlando; here it goes. I am really wanting to get out of here. I also seem to have a cold. I have a sore throat, cough, sneezes, slight fever, and extreme fatgiue. I am kinda hoping that I can find another job so that I can leave the Theater. I still need to pay bills off and would love to save up some money$. Also I found this dealership willing to sell me a truck. I still have to wait till next year, but I hope they let me do in then. Next July I will owe 1800$ on my car. The dealer says they will pay that off, pay taxes and plates, and allow me to put nothing down on the truck. Payments would be around 210 a month. That is live able. Now all I need is an apartment, in Florida. My game plan is to drive down there and get an apartment, and get all that setup before I move. I figure as long as I have about 2grand $aved I will be okay. It shouldn't take me more than 2, maybe, 3 months to find a job down there. I have an awsome resume. Plus I will be able to sub, down there. Well now that you are all brought up to speed I will ask this. Does any one out there have a monitor I can borrow for a little bit.

Hi, ? I said hi why the hell do you ignore me?

Oh, I didn't hear you! I thought to myself How fucking hard is it for people to get the hint?

what are you doing?? trying to ignore you. I thought

Oh, just thinking. Shit, now she's gonna wanna get into my feelings!

Wait I thought.. How are you? YeAH, that will get her talking about her feelings.

Oh.. Damn, men. Pretended I cared one time and he gets all mushy.

Yes it worked! Man thought.

That .....(now what? sex, nahhh, kids...female thought.)

Kids, ?? why..??? (crap now she'll think that I dont want kids.)

Yeah you want them right.. (this is going bad)

Of course I do.. the best part about kids is making them. (now she'll think I want to have sex.)

Shit, Now hes gonna want to have sex.)

Damn, now she might want to have sex. (man thought)

Umm, I don't feel so good .... (women thought)

Sweet... thought man.. well i think im gonna head out(man said)

Okay, I'm gonna lay down...

Night, I will be home later. call me if you need anything.


A coulple that has been together for four years plus... in a relationship..

this conversation is true. Don't all men say that and think that when they talk about kids. and don't most women think and say that?? If I am wrong I am sorry. If you really want to know bring it up, see where he goes with it.. If you dump your boyfriend because he tells the truth. I am not resonsible for your actions. Let me know.

Things I've done in the Last 21 years..

No kids. I have accamplished a lot, but one of the biggest thing's I am greatful for is that I don't have a 5 or 6 year old running around.

I am still clean. Yes, I am STD free I admit I get tested every year (from here on out atleast).

I have opened up and admited to my friends and family who I really am (some might say too much).

I have traveled to the end of the earth and came back.

I am still employeed (for now atleast).

I have moved out of my moms' house.

I have my OWN car. This time I have payed for it myself.

I am completely happy with life at the moment.

These are not in any order (hence why no numbers) I think I have done quite a bit in the last 21 years now it is time to change it up and do more things. Here are my goals for the next five years.

Finish my masters.

Figure out what carreer I want and do it. I am still debeating on whether or not I want to teach full time or be a sub. I say that because I don't know if that is the best field for me I still have a strong passion for psychology.

Have kids, I plan on adapting them.

Have a home in England.

Losse 50 pounds.

and stay Happy.

Here, is the date for my 21st. July 15, 2006. That is a Saturday. Time is approx. 7 pm. You are more then welcomed to come out early. I will have some food, music and remember your swim suits. I think I will also have the bug replanent. Not to mention the hole point of a 21st birthday party. Incase, I don't speak to everyone, the few people that read this,if you could do me a favor and tell people the time and date that would be much appreiated. If you have any more questions you all should have my cell number.

P.s
It is in St. Charles.

P.p.s
Just bring yourselves nothing else...... Unless you really dislike beer....

I've this overwhelmlying odd longing to write and not stop. Here is the problem I have an extremely bad case of writers block. I never have writers block. I have wrote five or six pages and then I lose track of what I am writting. I seem to fill the pages with filler. I mean I know detail is great when you are trying to write a book. I really want to write a great story, but filler is not the best start thing to have as your main plot. I have this great idea for a cerial killer, but I just hit a brick wall after the third wife gets offed. I have no clue on what to do. Any ideas???? I was thinking about writting about what is going on in my life, but I don't know if that would be a good idea. Hmmmmm! I NEED YOUR HELP.....................

I have been going through a bit of a needing a change. I have deiceded that I am going to change my name, I no longer feel like Ryan Palmer Ruiz de Castilla. I don't look the part, nor do I feel the part, plus that name is so damn ethnic. My new name will be Ryan Zachary Palmer. I will change it no later than Novemeber of this year. I feel this will be good. I will be able to find myself (hopefully) I have been lost for to long. If I can't find Ryan Ruiz de Castilla, maybe I can find Ryan Zachary Palmer. All I know is that I want to grow up and leave this one horse town and this shit of a State. I hear Nome Alaska is nice this time of year.


I ask you this Who am I?
Where do I belong?
What am I to do in this life??