My New Idea.

How many people have wished for a better way to take of a girls underwear. I know I have. So here it is. Clap-on-clap off unerwear for men and women. It is what every stripper, partier, and plan old slut needs. The more one claps the lower the underwear falls. I will be taking orders for them and yes I this is a Pattent Pending Idea. So no one can copy it HAHAHAAHA!

Jeff can I put you down for a few pairs?

Anna we know it is in the mail.

Rachel would you like a thong and regular underwear?

Chris you are not alowed to see the catalog at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End!

As 2005 draws to an end, we must take notice of what has happened. 2005 has brought us all a little closer to people that we went so close with in years past. Along with closeness this year has put us further away from people that we may have been very close to before. What we must rememeber most of all, is that we still know who will be in our corner for as long as we live. I am not talking about a lover, parent or what ever, but of a true friend. In our little circle, we have trust and faith in our friends to guide us through the darkest of times and to the brightest of them. We all have our disaggrements with one-another, but at the end of the day we know they will have our backs. If 2006 manages to put distiance between us and not talk to one for days, weeks, months and yes even a year or more. We know that when the time is right we can pick up the phone, get on AIM, e-mail or snail-mail, and that person will responed as soon as they can. For that I am greetful that I know you all now and that if this distance happens, we will be able to start up a converstion like we had just talked hours ago. So, I now say thank you 2005, and hold my glass up high and welcome, with most uncertainty 2006. And, I also admit that the unknowingness, will be much apperiated and now my friends lets drink our drinks and live our lifes and enjoy our lifes. Make the most of 2006 and never look back. If you look back you might miss what is right in front of you and never even know it!

I know I know.

So, I have decided to make a list of the New Year Resolutions for 2006. I am doing this, because last year's worked out really great. I lost the weight, went somewhere fun and got a new car. My goals for 2006 are as follows.

1) Losse me weight.

2) Save more money (i.e live on my budget.)

3) Be more relaxed.

4) Go somewhere fun (again).

Those are my goals.

Winter in Michigan Sucks Ass!

Twice in one day I skided off the road and landed in some snow. Earily Friday morining I hit some black ice on M52 and did a three 360. I ended up on the side of the road and was able to drive my car out of it. On my way home from the other job, I saw a deer and thought it would be a good idea to stop, this was my mistake, I lost control and skided right into a ditch. With this, I had to call home and my step-dad came to try and tow me out, but alas, he could not, because of the ice. I called a tow truck and paid him 100$$$$$$ for ten minutes of work. I now get to pay another 100$$$$$$ to have my car towed to the mechanic and have my engine belt replaced along with my passenger blinker fixed and some time down the road I need to have a new bumper put on. Now for the icing on the cake, if you will, I added all of this up and the amount came 495 dollars for all the work needed to get my car fixed.

Here's the list.

200 for towing,

150 for the bumper (used to save cost)

45 dollars for the white paint

55 dollars for the engine belt

-Cash recived back from the insurance company is 70% of the towing. That's another 140 dollars I get back.

+Now I have the money to pay for the labor. Which is, 140 dollars.
= 495. Less then my Auto Owners detuctable. Which is, 500 smackers.
I hate this shit, especailly with Christmas right around the corner.

Holidays Suck!

Okay my hats off to my mom for cooking an awsome feast. The turykey and all the trimmings were devine. I got to hold my baby cousin for hours and played with my older cousins in the pool at the hotel room, that my Aunt got.

Shortly after black Friday, things went sour. My mom, grandmother, aunt Bianca, brother and my other two cousins went to Frankenmuth to stay at a hotel, so they could go swinmming. I could not stay with any of them cuz I had to work. On the way home from Frankenmuth my mom and grandmother got into a fight. Appartently my Aunt Bianca said to my mom "I'm not buying Ryan presents this year, sorry about your luck." Well that is fine with me and my mom cuz I am an adult and really don't need more gifts. But what pissed my mom off was the sorry about your luck shit. Then my grandmother went off on my mother about the whole thing. After my Aunt Bianca applogize. So I geuss we won't be having Chirstmass as a family. My mom, god bless her stubborness, refusses to go to Ohio after Christmas. I really don't blame her. But why send me!? So this is an invite to my friends any one interested in going with me to go to Ohio let me know.

Where Is The Christmas Party?

Many things going on in my little head. First of all how are we gonna do the Christmas thing and secondly who wants what. I know Rachel and I usually exchange gifts, but neither one of us has brought it up. We could just skiping give gifts and rent movies and eat pizza, that could save every one some money. I would much rather perfer to do that then buy gifts. I am not in the Christmas season yet.

Secondly, I have to wonder if we all have lost our minds. Rachel, Chris, and I have all cut our hair way short, like it was summer or something. I do have to admit that we do look good with short hair. I think I am going to keep my hair short, I just need to buy a few winter hats.

Bad Day and I've only been up for about two hours.

Okay, I was listening to club 93.7 and I knew the answer to the question and all the phone did was ring and ring. I knew it was the right number, because I called it before to request a song and saved it in my phone (new phone not old one). So when somebody got through and answered the question but it was wrong. Yet they still gave her the prize. The question was "What rap artist did Bart Simpson run away to see?" Right Answer Alchtraz played by Luda. Their answer was 50 cent. Idiots. I called and the phone ring and ring. Then another person got through and told them they had the wrong answer and then told them the right answer and now those two are in the drawing to see the billboard awards in Las Vegas. Granted I don't want to see the awards show, but the free trip to Vegas would have been nice. If I would have won and the probability is very slim that I would win, but if they would have answered the phone I could have been in the drawing.

I've been busy.

Later on, that Thursday, Jeff and I go to McDonald's and this random hottie wants my number. So she had a friend get it from me to give to her. I do of course and when it is time to leave I tell her that Jeff and I are going to Barne and Nobles for some books. They don't show and she doesn't call me. Still the thought was nice at least.

While at Barnes and Nobles I find my second text "28 Days to fabulous sex," it's a great book. Which brings me to a new problem. I have to do a presention and I need models. Yes, I need a man and women. I just might be able to cough up a few bucks if somebody agrees to do it. The pictures will be done tastefully and NO PRIVATE PARTS WILL BE SHOWN TO THE CLASS. If there's any two people out there willing, to be nude in front of the camera and not totally out of and not totally in shape, let me know.

Flattered, TurnedOn and Kinda Wierded Out!

I was running behind schdule to get to school today so when I got here I sent chris up ahead so he wouldn't be late for class (seeing how my first class isn't untill 11 I had plenty of time). AFter I got situated and started walking to the school, this random guy apporaches me and ask if I wanted to skip and go have sex with him. All I could say was " Not right not, but, maybe later." Hmmmm. What a wierd way to start the day.

What A Party.

WOW! That is the best word to describe last night. I had a great time for the most part. The other, I would rather enjoy to forget and never talk about it agian. Lets see I got drunk meet some really cool people. Drank and smoked a lot. I mean I smoked a lot. I remeber, almost, all of it. I rember saying many things, and seeing many things and showing many people my genitals. Which I haven't done in a long time. However, if I am ever invited to another party hosted by Anna and her mates (roomates) I will defintly go and enjoy myself. I will not drink as much as I did last night. nor will I bring a date. Yea, I have to laugh my date found someone else and yea spent the night with him. Note they did not have sex, but hey to each their own right? Fun was had and lessons learned. Time to rember the good and forget the bad.

I Hate Giving up!

I had to drop my Geology class, that sucked big time. Not because I wanted to, but I had to. I don't like to give up. I wasn't raised a quiter, so I hate quiting. I had no choice though, I mean I had 124 points out of 225. Little more then 50%. I droped, because I have no time to do the work nor study for the tests. I hate that because I have never failed a class before in my life and I was so close and I had no way of getting my grade up to passing. Here I thought, I was gonna be done with class at the end of winter, but now I have to take a full load during the spring.

The good news, anyway, is that I can transfer to a Theatre in Marrqute and not be jobless. I get to keep my car. That is only if I get accepted at NMU. I should, I have the credits, or will have them anyways. My GPA meets the requirments for the school as well. So I'm hoping and prying to get in. Well I must go now I am skipping the rest of the day cuz I feel like shit. This is not part of the emotional feelings, but the fact that I am sick.

My New Job.

I started my new job today. I was really shocked to find out that I really like what I am now doing. Yeah, I am tutoring a math class, but I do get to use the teacher edition. I will also be shadowing some students around to their english class as well. Well that is all for now I will type more later.

I'm Coming Back....

So I woke up at eight this morning and then got a job. I will be working at Webber Jr. High School. I start monday. I am so happy. Well I gotta go and enjoy the thought of having two jobs bye.....

Change is Good.

Rachel helped me (well did a lot of work) for my new page. I like it a lot it is very different and that is what I want to go for. I am tring to change and be a happier verison of myself, but I'm not sure what else to do. I can't afford to buy new clothes nor take a trip. However, I do want to go to a far and distint place, Amstedam, Italy, Ireland, anywhere but here. Well I am off to sleep for school night all.

Life is A Bitch!

My car is costing me about 900 dollars that I don't have. I need two new tire. I had a blow out on my way to work to day, that caused me to leave early that equals less money in my paycheck. Secondly, my car needs a new engine bolt. That means they have to unhook my motor then retherad the opening and replace it and hook it all back up. 600 plus. Shit it might even be a nice thousand dollars. Tires fine I can put those on my Sears card. The motor bolt with cost me, cuz my thousand dollar card is at the max. All I can do is hope to finish my FASA forms so that I can get that check and pay off my bills and get my car worked on. God I can't wait to go to the Doctors tomorrow and see if I can get meds. err life is a whore.

Thoughts of Suicde!

Well, I have been feeling a little down and I hoped it would have passed, I was wrong. Last night I was thinking about how easy it would be to slit my wrist. I then knew I needed help. I am going to the Doctors Friday at 9:40 am. I am hopeing that he will give me something, because I really don't feel like talking to people about my scary little mind right now. Furthermore, I don't know where I would start to list my problems. They really would range from step-dad's mental issues (drinking), moms needing to have everything done one way, right to school, work and any little problem in between.

I have been contemplating self-medications, but that would not be very healthy for one to do. I don't much care for the ideas of anti-depressents either, but anything has to be better then this. Well now I must go and finish my homework.

Random Thoughts.

I have everything, but want nothing.

I need nothing, but crave everything.

I am not happy nor am I sad.

I am not depressed nor am I repressed.

I think to much and over analyze, this life.

This is my life and I can't wait for it to change.

I have had these feelings for a while now and they just won't go away. I can't help, but wonder what is the problem with me. The things I love no longer bring me plessure, the things I hated still make me suffer. I fear that this life will get me down more and more. I refuse to go and seek help for fear of being locked away. Since I have returned all I have wanted is to leave again. To often, have I dreamt of getting in my car and leaving. I know running from the past is not the answer nor is confronting it. The past is just that the past and it is dead, but yet it lives on in my brain; which I have, recently, discovered to be a scary place. I dream of a life where I can be free. I realize that I do a lot of this myself, but I don't get how to stop it. Is it wrong to love what I have, but want to change to so very much? Oh how I wished I had the answers for all the question I have in my head. Oh won't somebody come and save me from this torture I, have, to call life? I wonder and pry that someday I will have the passion I once did. Never wanting to back down from a fight, well verbal one. But, for now, I have to live with my broken sprit and I hate it. Will I ever be happy again?

Yeah I Did It. What's Your Point????

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!


Yeah I told you I did it here is the link to My Myspace page. bye

Three More Updates!!!

Hello.

Three more updates and I will have a hundred of them. Wow, that is cool, not really but I can fake it.

After this semster and winter, maybe even spring I will have my macro completed. That makes me really happy, because that means I get to go far away from this area. I was checking out Marqutte last night online and they have a pretty good job market. I figure that if I polish up my resume and shit I might be able to get a good job. Here goes everything.

My game plan.....

My game plan is to recive my Bachlors then go to a grauate school. Then some time after that is all done I will go and get a life....

Bonfire!?!?!?!?!

The fire was good, despite the fact that about everyone was passed out except for Jeff, Paul, and of course Rachel (who did not drink) and Chirs because I brought them. Chirs still can't hold his booze. I don't want to hear about your tolerencey level Chris. Also you have 40 days to find a Girlfriend that is visible, and willing to be seen with you in public. Also, this has to be a girl that you don't know. And when you loose you will owe be 40 dollars.

I really enjoyed myself; I got to drink, and Chirs got smashed after two drinks of his "Rum 151" dork. He kept falling over and laughing like a little girl. He also kept bringing back trees to put on the fire. Normally that is okay, but when the trees are wet it's not good.

The weekend after my 21 st I am borowing my parents camper and planing a camping trip. Chirs if you come you have to bring a tent; I don't clean up vomit. All is invited to the camping trip just pich-in for the booze and such. Also if anybody is interested in the camping trip let me know so that way I can plan and save up. Well leave a comment and let me know what you think, bye.

Halloweeen!

Looking forward to the "White Strips" tonight. Not quite sure why, I don't perticularly like the white strips ( I use it correct once, that's all you get.)

Really looking forward to Anna's Halloween party. Going to it as Jack Sparrow, as you all know. Miss. Rachel is doing my makeup, tattoo, and loaning me some of her hair, for my beard, perverts!

Ummm. I thought I had more to say about random shit in my life. I was wrong, now wasn't I???? Well this is my 95 update. 5 more and I will have a 100. Leaving now talk to you all later.

Screaming on the inside!

I am DEPRESSED! This time, however, it is worse then ever before. My independence is shrinking. I have to borrow money to make my car payment next month. I, almost, hate life. Conetemplating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have an idea on what my book will be about when I start writing is unknown.

Some one Asked Me!

Some one asked me what my dreams and hopes are for the futrue?
I had no idea how to answer that question. I want a career, family, and a home, but I want more. I want people to know who I am and what I did. I know I really don't care for the idea of having to walk down the isle and saying " I do", when in reality I proably don't. I doubt that I would like to get devorced just because I don't like to share. Not that I am selfish ( my friends all know that I would give the shirt off my back to help them out) I just don't like the idea of shareing my kids, If any at all. I also look down at the idea of spliting my assest in half because I don't care for this person anymore. I do like the idea of growing old with somebody and to have somebody there to travel with me. I mean I can have a home, kids, career and more, but do I need to get married. Espcially if you add in the fact that I don't belive in true love. "Love is an abcess that forms in the heart and burst in the ass." Quote from my great-great-grandmother, I think. I mean if I choose to have kids I can adopt. I mean I was raised by a single parent for the most of my life and I turned out just fine. I think I feel this way because I have yet to see a marriage work from beginging to death. I will say this marriage has its up and downs but can anyone tell me the real point behind it. Many people get married because they are pregent, scared of being alone, money, I mean the list goes on and on. But why do so many people get married and devorced and married agin. To me it is pointless but to each there own I geuss.
To answer the question, I want my career first, to educate people, and own my own business, have a home, and then kids. I really don't see a wife in the picture until I am old. I don't think I am wrong to say this or think it. It is the way I want my life to be and the way I need it to be. Granted I won't have somebody else to help me out with problems but I will have family and friends, right? Well I am off to bed to better comtemplate my life and ambishins and such. Let me know what you think.

Why?

This post is entitled "Why?" Today I had a cheap affair with a person from work. Not the one that I really have a crush on but a girl that was willing to have just sex. I realize as a man I should be like HELL FUCKING YA! But part of me says " You should have waited a little longer." I think about the first time I had sex and the times inbetween and this time. They have not been realtionships but just, no strings attached, sex. I like it for the most part; espacially when they come back for more and more. But I geuss I am just looking for that person that is more then a good lay. But inorder for me to do that I geuss i need to get out and meet people. Hmmm? easier said then done.

I Want To Go Somewhere Fun.

I have been looking into vactions. I can fly to Paris for just under 1,000 dollars a person, or Italy for the same amount, or San Diego. I really want to go somewhere for spring break. If anyone is semi-interested in going somewhere, fun and different, let me know. I might even think about New York. Let me know.

Toga, Toga, Toga!

Well I was talking about haveing a Toga party, since last night at least. I ran it through the Mother, surpriseingly enough she said " Well, there is no way I am going to miss a Toga party." "You're turning 21 next year so on July 15, 2006 we will have a Toga party." All of my friends are invited plus a guest. One or two catches. 1) EVERY ONE MUST WEAR A TOGA. ( A sheet tied into a not over the shoulder. Need better example Willma flintstone's outfit. 2) You drink you sleep here. I will be mailing out invites sometime in March or June. It's going to be raither small. My friends plus twenty or thirty people so fourty or so people. Please let me know if the three people that seem to read this, will be showing up?

To Whom It My Concern.

What is worse, feeling feelings towards somone who is so far out of your league that you could only imagine being with them. Or have such strong feelings for a person that if they felt that way about you, as well, that niether of you can act on these feelings? Well, this is my predicament and I think I am just going to stay friends with this person and never let my feelings show. For the simple fact that I don't want any wierdness between us.

Furthermore, I want a new screen name and have no ideas on what to change it to. So, if any of you have any ideas let me know. Bye.

Hi Y'all.

Sorry about not updating, but I don't feel to bad about it not a lot of people are updating either. Well I am now 20 years old, about 12 days ago. I have been busy I didn't take the Janitor job at work, kind of happy about that one though. it would have been just a lot more work and less time to do what I want. Lately I have been doing what I want more and more then normal. I have been craving some whieght lifting (Hmm Quinn maybe you could help me with that one). Guess I want to start my new year goal a little sooner. Seeing that I have already accomplished my goal for '05 get a job, keep it longer than three months, buy a new car, ( 99 dodge avenger) and losse 20 lbs. I did not do it in that order.

I think you all know that I had an awsome time you Eurpoe. If not then ask me, I will tell you all about it. Looking forward to going back to school. I think I am going to work a lot harder in school then I have in the past. Because, I am still considered a freshman until winter semster I think I am going to take 20 credits that semister then that will be about 47 credits then take about 13 credits in the spring so that way I can transfer to SVSU. WELL if anyone cares to leave a comment, that is fine with me.

Hmmmm?!

I have done a lot, but I don't feel like make a post, telling about them so oh well I am not going to.

Back from Europe!

Yes, I had an awsome time in England and Paris; I can't wait to go back in a couple years and go to Amsterdam. Three years from today my family is going to take a cruise from New York to England. The history and buildings were just mind blowing. I advise any one if they want to go and don't have a lot of money use priceline you get a lot for your dollar. Well I could talk for hours about my trip and such but my body is still on england time and I'm going to use it to my advantage and get stuff done today. Give me a call or something later.

So, yeah!

Well I leave for Europe on saturday getting a little nervous/excited about the hole flying thing; I have never been on a plane before.
Went to get an estimate done on my truck. Feel in love with a car there that my grand-father had at his shop. So when I come back he is going to sell it to me. Just to let you all know it is a white Dodge Avenger, this car is clean in side and out.
To help me pay for this new toy I got a promotion at work. I am now 3rd shift Janitor, head janitor and make good money. I make roughly 2.10 more an hour and it is 40 hours a week that is going to kill me when school starts up. well I am off to get ready for my last shift in my monkey suit talk to you all later.

this one looks fun.

1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what color you remind me of.
7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal.

Summer.

This is going to be an amazing summer, for me at least. I am going to England and France, maybe Switzerland too. I am getting either a two door Tahoe I saw at a dealship or an Oldsmoble, for my birthday, I have to make the payments, however. I am turning Twenty; one more year before I can leagly drink. That is going to be a 7 day party there, I think I might take the week off from work and fly to Vegas. I am bored now and I have two days off back-to-back, if any one wants to do something hit me up. I think I have running around to do in the morning on monday, but then I am free till wensday when I have to close. TTYL.

Keys To My Heart. If anyone cares lol.

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What The Hell.

So yea, I got into the car accident and it took them two hours to write a ten line acedient report. That's not the hole story. So a state cop sees and hears that there was an accident and says that she can't do anything about it and that the township was bussy and they would be by in twenty mintues. Normally I would be a pateint person. But, after two hours my lower back started to hurt up and down my spine and through my kidneys. So finally when the cop that wrote the report up showed up it took about ten mintues. Even he was out raged about the problem. He said that the first state cop should have written the report up. Now I ask you what is wrong when police don't help some one in need. It was rather obivous that I was injured because I couldn't really stand up stright or sit for and amount of time. Luckily I have no majior injuries and the truck just needs a new bumper. That is all.

Your Birthdate: July 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

What a Wicked Web We Weave Once We Practice to Decive.

That is a line from one of, William Shakespears play. I do like a lot of his plays, don't ask me why I just do. Do many people like things and don't know why? I do I like them, but I couldn't explain why if I tryed.

I talked to my boss about hours and asked if I could get more hours, seeing that I have an open avlability. So I have been getting awsome hours and I thought I would love it. How wrong I was. I have 34 and a half hours for next week and only one day off. Then my next schdule is turning out to be even odder. I will be working a double or two on saturday and friday, maybe even sunday I am not sure yet. I figure the more hours I get the better, but at what cost to me. I don't sleep much and I haven't had time to hang out with any of my friends, not that they have time to hang out either. If they do we have a schdule conflict. To tell you all the truth I don't know why I take the abuse of working my summers away and working and going to school all this time. To remady it I have been looking into studing aboard. Supposedly SVSU has a really good program for that. So do a couple of other schools I am looking into. I might have to just say hell with it and go to either CMU or OSU. Just for the room and bored that way I don't have to pay rent and I can save up so I am able to study in France, Ireland, England, Germany, Italy or any other country I so choose. well I have typed enough for one day so I will chat with ya'll later.

You Are 50% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

The Concert. By Ryan Palmer Ruiz de Castilla.

Rachel and I went to the Luda concert. Yes I enjoy Ludas music. I did not enjoy the two opening acts there. I thought they could have actually played some decent music. However, Ludas performance was rather good. Dispite the fact that he only played 45 mintues, that was longer thenI had expected. I honestly thought that SVSU just said luda was gonna be there. Because after the concert started at 8:30 (half hour late) the two opening acts then sucked and they were booed. What shocked me the most was the fact that there was no roits. Granted the concert mainly contained white kids that think they are black. But serisouly if I ever say lets go to a concert and they don't have an opening act right on the ticket, please shot me. Anyways I would like to see luda again but maybe at the civic center not the Ryder. P.s quinn the ryder center is way over rated.


On another note I am thinking about the casino on saturday. Any takers other than Rachel?????? I should be able to get out at around 10-11 12 am at the latest. Hti me up if any of ya want to go.

So Gorssed Out.

It all started out inocently enough then went to hell and a hand basket. I thought I would look at Ebay. com for some cars, seeing how Autotrader.com wasn't working for me, but no because I failed to payattenion my finger sliped and sent me to the wrong site. It wasnt not ebay but egay. I never rebooted a computer faster then I did at that excat(sp) moment. So if you don't see me at Delta things went bad for me. ;( that is all for todays update I am sure I will post again but not until friday night after my concert. Rachel if I don't ask you did you get friday off.

This is going to be a very long day for me.

Ok, Since I have been back I have not had a day to myself. That means that I have been working from April 2nd through today, that is roughly 17days. In the last two days I have gathered about 8 hours of sleep. Not good, because I have a 12 hour day yesterday and a 10 hour day today. With me working at 1:30 on tuesday I have to have all my homework done tonight, inorder to get a decent grade in my classes. To explain to you how tired I am, let me tell you about how I feel. My head hurts (brain wise), my eyes hurt (no contacts for me today,) and I can't, really, feel my legs very well.

Furthermore, all day, so far, I have had the feeling that I have been, being watched. Infact, my eyes are playing tricks, cuz whenever I look into the monitor I see some one right behind me and when I turn to look at this person I do not see them. And no the reflection is not of myself. I have not lost my mind, anyfurther then what I have thus far. Now I feel that I am rambling on and on, so I will take my leave as of now.

Why do I (We) Do This To Ourselves?

It is mandated that we go to school, at least, from Kindergarden- our 16th birthdays. Some of us go through High school. Then some of us to college. For what? Ultamately it is for money. But some choose a carreer that says here I am. Is it worth the money, time, and studing when we could be haveing fun. Instead we are stuck in a build two or more days a week. When, we are not inside we are working on papers or studing for classs, and then we work. It is a viscous cycle. That basicly is boiled down to money. The better of an education we get the better paid we become. If this is so, why are so many of us out of work? There are some collage grads that make 6 dollars an hour. Hmm! this is so wrong. We go bankrupt to get an education and then have to work meaningless jobs to pay for life. Until we find the job we went to school for, if that ever happens.

I Feel Like Shit.

Not, because I am sick, but because I can not afford to move out this summer. I really feel bad because I let Rachel down. If you know me I really don't like to let my freinds down, well at least I think I don't let them down. I am really mad with myself for letting me get so far behind in bills, agin. I just hope that she is not to pissed off at me. Well I am gonna go to bed and cry about my bills see you later.

My Theroy on Love!

First of all, why do we, now a days, feel that there is love in the world? Granted that you are suppose to love your family, but do you really. When a parent dies or Grandparent, we cry and morin. Are we crying because we really did love them or because we last a confidant? That is the norm. What I don't get is why are people looking for Mr or Mrs. Right. Why can't we just find the Right person for right now. Two people in my English class are ingaged to be married. If you are in love why do you need a piece of paper telling the world you are in love. Now, people get married for health insurance and a reteriement, I get that. When our parents were married it was either convenit, gotting of a child, or love,so they thought in many cases. Most of my friends have parents that are split up. Come to think of it I have two freinds that parents are married. I don't think one set of parents are happily married however, but I can't speak for the other ones. And if you want to get technical my mom has never been devoriced. She never married my dad. He was, in her words, Mr. Right now. I myself fell love is bothersome, yes sex is good but in our times we have a lot to worry about, STDS, kids, yes kids have always been a problem but still the teenage pregnecy is at all time high. I don't know am I just not getting it. I am that selfish that I don't want to share my life with a person. Or am I just a confermed Bachlor, for life. Or is it all possible that I will find the right person for life not for now? I don't know but I do know this I will not hold my breathe for said person. If you are out their and you are into a lot of the things I am into then leave me a message, if not piss or get off the pot.

I'm Back From My Vaction!!

I have to admit this, I LOVE THE SOUTH. Not just for the weather, that is the iceying on the cake, but I love the people. Not one rude person, except for the bitch at universal. I mean they all say "Hi honey, how are y'a?" "Do you want a Soda?" I was at the bar in Daytona with Grandma and Amber, and the bar tender was so sweet and hot. Every time she asked if we wanted a beer we all said "yes please." She commented that we have very nice manors or we have worked with the public and know how they are. Actually, my grandmother said both.

Later after we poored Grandma into her bed and my cousin mooned my mom. Amber and I went out. First so we didn't have to make an extra stop we hit the head. When I walked into the lobby bathroom, there were three very drunk college kids seeing how far they could piss. Needless to say that I saw more then I really cared to. Then when Amber walked into the bathroom there were two girls in one stall, she was pissed because they didn't invite her. Well we went out and watched the cops pull over 30 cars amin, well something like that, and saw a lot more drunk kids. There was this kid maybe 16 that had a fake ID bathering this nice girl so Amber and I went up and said "Honey I'm back" and the kid wanted to take a swing at Amber. She of coruse said you hit me you go to jail. He didn't know she was a women.

Then the next morning we lounged by the beach and stuff then headed to Skip's house, my grandma's cousin. His house was in the middle of nothing the closet store was a half hour away. That was the longest 16 hours of my life as well as everyone else's. That night we were kept up all night by Skip and his Fince screwing around, as well as Skips' house mates. Then my grandmother wanted out of the house at the buttcrack of dawn so, she washed her hair in the sink. Now Grandma hates to sleep in underwear, and she wears nightgowns. Well while she was washing her hair in the kitchen sink the ass was hanging out. Well Ken wanted some coffee as we went there the almost ramed his stuff up grandmas bum. lucky for grandma she stood up in time. Well we left at 6 am, and that was the itchest time of our lives. We were covered in flee bites. Needless to say we all cused her out, it was her idea to stay at skips and nobody could think of a way out.

Then we went to unversal, that was fun I wished we could have stayed longer and that i was 21 and not 19 going on 20. The Mummy ride was awsome, liked the Jaws ride and yes I am admiting I like Scherik's ride.

Now for the part that I didn't want to do but ended up liking it anyways. Savannah Gerogia. It was awsome. The ghosts, the shops and the buildings. I have to say I loved it a lot. So to recap my mom talked to a ghosts, saw a lot of good and bad things at Daytona, Grandma getting ass checked by a Charles Manson look alike, and my grandmother cusing out this little old women for being a bitch. The saddest part was coming home to 50 degree weather. Well I have to shhower and get ready for work now talk to you all later.

No Idea You all Insert Title Here-

I have noticed that many people in Saginaw are oppsed to wearing a nice smelling fegerence. Friday and Saturday I was privy to some funky smells coming from many people I had to wait on at work. Then today I was walking behind this person who stunk like a sased-pool. I am not saying that I am the best smelling person in the world, but I try not smell like a damn bathroom. If I did I am sure that my friends would tell my I smell like a Jock strap or something along those lines.

Secondly, I am a bit confessed with life in general. How can I hate a job about 13 months ago, and actually enjoy it now?! I am not saying that it is any better but I actually don't dreed going to work. I half belive it is becacuse I need the money, and that two of the managers I did not get a long with are gone as well as the entire staff that I really did not get a long with.

Thirdly, I am going to florida in about three days. I can not wait to go, the weather better be fucking fantastic.

Fourthly, there is not a fourth. I just don't like odd numbers.
Bye y'all!


Mood- :)
Music- Death Meatal
Happiness Priceless.

A Great Day!

Okay I answered my Delima, I am going to ignore the whole thing. He has had twenty years to do all this, so that means that I can validate my anger towards him. I know have two jobs, well one and i am fo percent sure I have the other. However, I still will only be working six days aweek, at different hourly pay. And Meijer pays weekly but GKC pays biweekly that is cool with me though. If it comes about I can get a palce to live but the most I can afford is 150 a month. but I have to wait till the end of April so I can save my money. That is my day. How was yours?

What to do With My Delima.

I have this oppertunity to supbena my Father for a blood test. I was thinking that if it were a match than what would I do? Well first the ball would be in his court to see if he wanted a relationship (father/son) with his only son. To be honest I doubt he will welcome me with open arms. And if he did what would I do? I would like to think that I would have a relationship with him but would I regret it? Damn it I wish this oppertunity never came about. What would you do in my case??

I Feel......

What do we feel?
Is what we feel really what it is?
Is smooth really smooth or is rough really rough, or is it just what we are told it is?
When I cut do I bleed or am I healing, or am I screaming?
When I am hurt am I really hurt at all, or is it all tied in with what we are told is pain?
How do we know if we really exist?
If I died tomorrow would I be remebered?
If I die in 50 years will I be moraned, or will it be a great thing?
Or is this so called life really reality and what is reality?
Is this another persons dream and when this person die will we simply stop existing?
If I slap you will you feel it, and will I feel it?
What is pain but ananounce on a certain part of our body.
What is our body but merely a group of tissue and organs hidden by skin.
But what is a body but a mod-of-transprotaion from birth till death.

This is all a form of Pholisphy, or is it? Not really sure. This is truly the ramblings that have came to me in my class. Av'ur (sp)

Hmmmm!

I have been craving a ciggeratte all day. The thing is that I haven't smoked in a long time. In fact I think the last time I smoked was a the New years party at Jeff's house, and that was a cigar not a ciggereatte. I don't think it is related to stress of any kind I jusst think my body really wants to have a "cancer stick" as it were. In all reality I dispisze ciggs. But yet for the first time in a year+ I really want to have a smoke. I think it is a good thing that I don't have any money to buy them I proably would end up buying them. My only other option would be to bum a smoke off of someone else. I don't think I shall be doing that. So what can I do to get this craving out of my system, smoking is not one of them. Hmm. what to do . In other news I am bored shitless. I dont know why I am so bored well I am going to class and stuff so have a nice day .....

So Bored!

I started reading The Di Vincci Code, in fact I have read about one-hundered pages, compelted my homework, in record time, and cleaned my room twice. I think I can relate this all to one thing the weather. I have hay fever like spring will never come. I finally have proof that spring is going to be here. It will reach the early 40's by friday and I know it's not that warm but it is about 20 degrees warmer than what we have at this point in time. If the weather is right we could reach 50's by the end of the next week. (I am talking as if it is Monday not sunday.) For my sanity and proably yours as well I hope that the weather warms up and I can start to go outside and do shit...

P.s. does anyone know of places that are hirring at this time??

Only In America!

So my mom and I went out shopping for new clothes for sumer and my trips, and I thought it was going to be boring. So when I am at the cashier asked me if I would like to apply for a Penny's card; I said sure, thinking and hoping that I would not get aproved. Boy was I wrong. I got a new credit card. I am not working, and now I have another bill to pay each month so in closing I would like to say DAMNIT IT ALL!

Weather!

Is it just me or have the past two days, or so, been misleading? Yesterday I looked outside and saw the sun shining away. A last, I walked outside and felt the COLD wind blowing and making my skin hurt. Then today the same thing happened the sun is out, and there is an artic wind blowing. I am so looking forward to taking a trip. I am so bored with life in fact I even skiped a class this morning. Not to mention I am very stressed out about my personal life. So you all know it is turned upside down and making me want to binge drink. Well that is all for now.

I decided to do both!

If you read this, even if i don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad -- just so long as it happened.Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you...

Lost Fish!?

Okay, this is creeping me out, to no extreme. I was counting my fish, cuz I thought some were missing, sure enought I am missing a Rosie fish. So I ask my mum if she and Lacy got a dead fish out of my tank? She said no and why? well I am missing a fish i know a guppy died but I dont remeber flushing a rosie cuz that was a huge fish. So thinking that one of the kids got it and were playing with I called my grandmother, to see if she a had a fish in her suitcase. No luck. How in the hell can a 4 inch fish just disapare into thin water, or did it spontontainesly conbust, or did it jump out? If it did that, then my room would stink, no smell. Another theroy my mother has is that the ghost in the house took it. Yes my house is haunted, my mom and I hear voices in the living room late at night, no body is up, figures walking from the living room to dining room, and my grandmother has seen it. She actually made my mum sleep in the living room with her that next night. So I ask you have you seen my fish?

I have been feeling that my life has become mindnumbingly boring. I do the same thing day in and day out. So it occured to me that if my life is like this now how is it going to be in the future? I dont like things to become mondaine(sp) but I fear that they will become that way in the futrue. So it is up to me to change that. But to change I need money and that involves a job. Any ideas on places that are hiring? let me know.

I am so damn bored right now I dont have any words to explain it!

Looking forward to mid-semster break.

I have to say that I am rather tired of getting up for school write now. I know it is only twice a week but still, I should have know that I would get tired of the early moring B.S. So I am going to enjoy this week off. Maybe clean my room, Naah.

I called around and got a kick ass quote for a jeep, only catch is that they want me to order it. Hmm. I added the cost up and it would be the same as if I got it from the Dealer ship. The catch is that the one I order will be an automatic, worse gas mileage, but I can get a remote start put in. Hmm I think i will go with that.

The tentive dates for New York are July 24-27. So we will leave Michigan aroun 6:oo pm the 23th so we can check in or maybe a little later and sight see on the way there. If we don't site see on the way there we can do it on the way back. Catch the bathroom wil be shared, that scares me in a way. I will pay for the room, but gas cash will be needed on the way there and back. Well class is starting and my fingers hurt from typing all day....

No Title!

I have been sick this entire weekend. At one point I thought I might have to go to the hosptial. I had a fever of 102.9 and it was climbing. I have vomited three times, I have a sore thoart, and have been very dizzy. At one point I thought that I was in a washing machine. I also have a few bruses, and got some bloody noises. I wonder if I should be worried about that?

Why Do Needy People Like Me?

Okay, it all started with Jenny. Now this girl in one of my classes, is starting to come on to me. She is a nice person, but so not my type. No, I am not talking about physical looks. This is my findings on the subject matter. Today she told me that her boyfriend Chris dumped her. I barely know this woman and she is telling me this. Furthermore, she always has to be touching my arm when she is talking to me. She stops and talks to me when she is with her other friends. I do, however, think she just might want to be friends and I am so peranoid, that I am reading to much into this. Other evidence I have is that she is always telling me about the "guys" that find her atractive. Now I have just meet this person and she is telling me all this stuff. She is quit conclsive about her life. ( I think I used that word right anyways.) I feel it is odd that she is telling, an almost complete stranger, about her life, more important about her family and the guys, she is into. I hope I am reading too much into this, I like her but as a FREIND ONLY!

Also, today I meet someone very interesting. The most famine guy in the world, or atleast mine. He has hair down to his shoulders, two earings in each ear, red lipstick, eye makeup, and I believe he was wearing a womens shirt. Or I have just meet a very masciline woman at the gas station. Either way, this is really odd. He/She had more male fetures then female and had a deeper voice than I do. It also looked as if this person could bench press me, plus a few extra pounds. In conlcusion for the first time ever I hope that I did not offend anybody about the comments I have made on this site, if I did I am truly sorry for them. These are, after all, just ramblings and events that have happened or have come out of my mouth. Until next ya'll, have a nice day and don't let the little things bug you.

Valentines Day.

Yes I am aware that VD is not until monday, but today it is being celbrated at my house. My mom got my two dvds, and a new cd. I have not yet got her something, flowers are passa (sp), she is a diabetic, no choclate, got her a poem last year, I spent a lot on her necklace so jewlery is out. I have no Idea what to get her. If any of you webbers out there read this give me some ideas.
So I got bored and grabed all my CDs, and downloaded them onto my computer, for safe keeping ;). And I realized that I have about four tapes that I would like to hang on to, for a while. I really don't have any ideas on how to make them into a CD. I don't want to buy them all over again, that would be a waste of money. I went looking online (napster) downloaded some of the songs, but the rest they want me to pay for. Me being cheap right now I said no, any ideas on what to do???

Hmm.

I was at Delta yesterday, erecurting, to be more specific. And this girl walked up to me and said that I have pretty eyes. I don't know how she could tell by the end of the day my eyes were so dry and red, I could tell what color they were. I think she was just being nice. She really wasn't that bad looking though. But I really wasn't looking at her, I was just wanting to get out of that school. I don't know why I felt the need to tell the world that but I did and now I am off. good bye ..

I Have A Bad Case of the I Wants!

Lately, I have noticed that I am wanting more and more items. It is not because I do without, but because I have not been able to go shopping for these said items. When I go out shopping I can not afford to spend my money lavishly. I am lucky to put gas in my truck every week or so. I have made large accomplishments as of late, I have paid my credit card down. My accounts still are low, but with this changing economy I might have a savings account once again.

Throughout my time of unemployment (at my own doing), I have learned to proatize my money. The most important items get paid first, so on and so forth. Does this mean that I have grown up?? Or I am just wanting to be able to say that hey, I am unemploied but yet I still have an ok credit rating??? I think I am growing up. Last year I would have bought the items on my so called "I want list," and said that I will figure a way to pay for my stuff, later. I have learned that when you don't have any money you can not spend it. That can be troublesome for us college kids. To me it seems that every time I turn around I have to pay for something at school. In order to pay for this I have to borrow money hmmm, how do I pay them back?? That is why I love this contry, the Gov't will, usually, reinbures you. I for one like that. But it will not pay my parents, Grandmother, cousin, or my Visa. So that is where I am now, figuring out a budget that I don't have so I can start to pay these people back. Totallying the amount up I am in the whole about 3000 dollars. I have figured my budget, but inorder for it to work out, I need to have some form of income. I am too young to file bankruptcy, and I don't have any kids, so I can't get welfare. I have to get off my butt and get a job..... I have applied to about thrity different places and that was last night and the day before. So yes I am activly looking for employment, and the only standard I have is the refusel to flip burggers, at burger king.

I applogize if it seems asif I am bitching and repeating myself, also I am sorry for the length of this update. I will talk to all of whom who care later this evening online, while I update my reusme.... Goodbye for now....

Pissed Off Mood

I need a job, right? Well that is what I thought too, but my mom said that I can't commute to Citas. However, I really want the job pays good money, and bennifites. So instead I have to settle for 6-something perhour at a mindnumbing job. That is just one of many reasons why I need to move out and get my own place. AAAAAAAAAAAAaa!

Taking a Cue From Miss. Rachel.

Febuary, has made its mark on Michigan. The snow is, almost, all gone and the weather is warming up rather nicely. Even though today is a rainy and kind of crappy day, it still feels nice, to be driving in the rain, rather than the snow. Even though there is no sun, there is a hint of love in the air. However, I am not in love, but for some reason seeing others make faces at their loved ones is rather nice to see. Not!!! I do like this month for one reason, here in Michigan the second month of the year usually means the end of winter. With rain coming down apon us, and the snow everbreating into the atomsphe, it is comforting to know that the girls will be wearing there famous short shorts. I for one am ready to see all the attractive girls in short shorts, I am making a point, here, to tell you all if I see any fat chicks with cottage cheese legs they will be shot on site.

This could be good for someone, we all know, at a certain college on the other side of town...

I have Oberserved myself!!!

Okay, I have been very productive, well for me. I have re-mounted my amp, and bass adjuster, now they don't go flying whenever I turn a corner or hit my brakes :O. Speaking of brakes they actually failed me last night. I went to slam on them, to avoid hitting someone and yea I was better off just swarving to miss the guy. No damage done to my POS or the other guy.

I have done most of my homework and it is not even sunday :).

Last night I went out and saw the Buggyman. It was surpisingly good. The ending was a little weak, however. I did jump once, and that is good, because I am verutally desensitzed.

However my productivity, has slowed up a little. I need to clean my bloody room, and finsh my two hundered math problems. I just don't have any ambishen, right now.

I have however spent the moajority of my time looking for jobs. To fill you all in there aren't any in the city of Saginaw. If there is the top pay is about 7.00 per hour and that is after years of work. I have almost swallowed my pride and gone back to the Theatre, then it hit me I do not want to make that place a carrer, so I am not going back. Well I geuss I am gonna go and finsh my homework. Later!!!!!!!!

Growing Up, and the Pros and Cons!

Well, as we grow we get more freedoms, and responsabilties. Which is good and bad, atleast for me. I paid my taxes and I made a considerable less amount of money in 04 then 03, but I am getting a lot of money back from Uncle Sam, not enough to catch me up however. It is still more then what I got for the last two years. With my debt raising and my account diveing I think this will motavate me to get a job and then a second job. I am not totally broke but the bills are do and I have enough to last through next month. So I am now looking for a job, with Delta's help and then hoping that I can get hired from the job fare or
Disney. Crossing my fingers here but I hope, to be working by March debt free in April and have a savings account again in june through Auggust. Then I will be able to move out, maybe a little sooner then then.

Annoying Songs that Will Not Die, cuz they Are stuck in my head!!!

Well folks, the folds of my brain are at it again. From around 9 o'clock last night thru today, I have had a number of songs stuck in my little head. 1.) I want to run away now, by Durand Durand. 2) Facts of Life, theme song. 3) Sex and Candy, forgot who sang it. 4) Who Shot the sheriff, neither one I can't remmeber who sings. 5) Red Light Special TLC. 6) Theme song from Malcom in The Middle. 5) Water Falls TLC, 6) The Dope Show Marilyn Masson. This is the funny thing about all of these song I have not heard them for a long time. Further more, I barely like two of the songs on here, and I CAN NOT STAND THE FACTS OF LIFE, show nor the theme song. It is just cruel to have to hear these songs playing and playing in my head, especially seeing how some of them are just the first two or three lines in the song. For example I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the Deputy. Now say that twenty times today and you just migtht feel my pain. If that fails, sing the Facts of life theme song, you will want to throw yourself out of a window and hope to land on as many people you can before hitting the pavement. I know I want too. If anyone has any ideas, or names of songs that will not make me want to plumbit to my death please let me know ASAP. One more song just entered my head, Redneck Women by Grentchen Wilson, I think.

No title!

Normally when one of my friends are faced with a lost I can either relate, or be very sympathetic, just not this time. I want to say that this person isn't getting a lot of my sympathy because, the man who died was 83 years old. That was a long life. I don't think that there is anything wrong with me but I feel bad because I don't feel worse. Does that make any sense, to you all? To be a good friend, I am going to go to the funeral home, give my condolences and stay a little bit of time. Should I feel worse, then what I do? This is freaking me out man.....
This hole thing has gotten to me, and now I ask what do you believe is the after life like, if there is one.
According to the Butist (sp) you re-live your life until you get it perfect, then you are reincanatied into another living creature. Then some are believers have a Heaven. I would like to think that if there is an afterlife, and it is filled with people from your family, and past freinds. I do not like the idea that when you die you just stay in a darkness, and you see only what is around you. If this is true I think I would like to be creamatied and have my ashes spread throughout the water, europe and some left with my famil, so that I can see over them forever. So if I were to die tommorow will you see to it that I am creamted and that my ashes are sperad in the oceans, just the oceans. With my luck, my ashes would be swept up into a dustpan and dumped in a trashcan. Viewing a dumpsite for the rest of time, is not on my prioity list. Is it anyones dream to see that forever?

Many people bug me.

I am not a fan a people today. I don't know why but I have just been a little more cranky than usual. Today I snapped at someone just because I felt they took too long getting my stuff. I was the only one in there so I felt that they should have been able to get me my food right away, but know they took 10mins to get my food, damn fast food workers. In other news, looks like I might be able to get a new car on my birthday, that is if I am not working for Disney this summer, here's to hoping that I will be working for Walt this summer however, I will need time off for my European vaction. That however can wait I might be done with work by the first week of August anyway. Well that is all for this update I have nothing other to say to people. OH wait here is one more thing, I could snap at any minute. Bye.

Should I or Shouldn't I?

Well, Delta sent me an e-mail, I am sure all Delta students got it as well. Well I am serously contemplaiting the idea of working for Disney for the spirng/summer durastion. It is a paid internship, I just wonder how much money I will get paid, and if the take out cost of living, and all that wonderment(for use a better word). However if I put Disney under the refence side, then, it might help me find a better job, when I have to come back to this one horse town, and I might have enough cash saved up to buy a car, and maybe move out and get an apartment, that is if I can find a job when I come back. If you have an opioion on this let me know.

Sweet Procrastion, How I've Missed Thee!

It has seemed to me that when, I work I am more discplined. It just seems that way, when I had homework due on tuesday, and I worked on Tuesday I did all my homework on Monday, instead of Tuesday. I really hate being un-employed. Not because of the lack of money, but because I have too much time on my hands, that leaves me with thinking, and talking to my family, have you ever tried to talk to my step-dad, it is like pulling teeth from an infant.

Well I am really bored now, and I want to go and do something, seeing how I am not in the homework mood, I geuss I will just watch a movie.

You people seem down, Why?`

Okay, I have read Jeff and Rachel's blogs and they seem to be a little down, or just wondering what is going on with us (them) today. I am purposeing we all forget about what is bathering us for now and have some fun, Movie anyone?? Well, I am not up, nor down, just some where in between. I ask you this, Why..... (you fill in the rest.) Why do I have an urage, to pack my truck up and drive to a far away place, that won't stop my troubles, they will undoubtly follow me there. The urage is caused by wanting a break from the so called troubles, if I leave now, they won't have time to follow me right away, because I will be thinking about getting to where I am going. Then once I have a spear second, they will re-appear, and back to a different destaion. I could even go to in-comutocato, un-reachable. But I won't I will stay and fight another battle today and for the rest of my life, untill I get to go to my grave.... Just because I run they will follow me and if I stay here they will be right back in my head untill I have no troubles at all then that will be the day I die.....

I have a really cool short story coming up, just not now!

Okay.
Friday went out and ate with Rachel, Anna, Jeff, Dan, Alex, Josh and a lot more people too, they were the ones that cameout to my house afterwards. The food was okay, and the cake was good. One of the two movies was good. I also got hit by a damn deer. Sadly my truck is fine, luckily I am fine and so is Jeff. Well I have to go now and sleep.

Hey, just a quick post here.

Okay, I told Miss. Rachel what movies I have here, ( I will post them at the end). I also need to know who is coming here to watch movies, all is invited, but I just need the numbers.

American pie.
American Pie 2.
American Wedding.
Signs.
Spiderman 1.
Childs, play.
Taking lives.
Euro trip.
Sleepy hallow.
The order.
LXG.
Triple x.
Scary movie 1.
Scary movie 2.
Scary movie 3.
Panic room.
8crazy nights.
Scooby doo 1.
Scooby doo 2.
Murder by numbers.
Psycho the original.
The ring.
Wrong turn.
Fast and furious.
Austin Powers.

Austin Powers. The spy who shagged me.
Austin Powers Gold Member.
Gothica.
Boat trip
Texas chain saw mass.
13 ghost’s original.
8 mile.
Interview with the vampire.
Badder Santa.
House.
Elvira.
George of the Jungle.
Hocus pocus.
Howling III.
Jack Frost 2.
Curse of the Demon.
The Underneath.
The Serpent and the Rainbow.

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.
Silent Night Deadly night.
Studio 54.
Joy ride.
Mummy 1.
The Mummy Returns.
Halloween 1.
H2O.
Harry Potter 1.
Harry Potter 3.
Friday the 13.
Friday the 13 2.
Finding Nemo. Twister.
Big fish.
White chicks.
Bride of chucky.
Men In Black.
Idle hands.
Stigmata.
Blare witch.
Ace venture pet Detective.
The haunting.
Big daddy.
Next Friday.
Scream 1.
Scream 2.
Scream 3.
I still know what you did last summer.
Blade.
Vampires.
Batman forever.
Wild Wild West.
Fight club. Final destination.
End of days.
Mall rats.
Barb wire.
Liar Liar.
The sixth sense.

I have old hands.

I was bored today inbetween classes and I was looking at my hands and I noticed that they look really old. So I did that elasticity test on them and the knuckles took like 30 secs to snap back. Most of the skin on my fingures is still tight, but they just look really old. I wonder if it could be from all the sun my fingres get. This is starting to scar me or I am I just blowing this whole old fingures thing out of the water? Another thing I noticed is that my knuckles are really wide. I think it is from cracking them all of the time. well got to go for now class is starting.

What morals do we really have?

When you hear about a teenage lady and a 40 year old man are seen together we all say child rapist, don't we?! Everyday I see some old fart dating or "married" to this young bombshell, I want to tell them that they married them or are with them just for what little cash they may or may not have. That is not the point of this entry.

Who says that older women can date younger men, and most people have a tendency to say "Good for her". Most men say good for him he got a hot older chick all of the new sexual tricks he will learn, hot. But when a forty year old man dates a younger women of say 19 we all think Gross! However most men his age think sweet, he ditched the old ball and chian for this hot thing, just out of high school. What pisses me off is that because of T.V and News, people are afraid to date eachother because of the age differences. However, in the early years it was bery common for men to marry younger women. I'm not sure if younger men married older women, however, I do disagree with that. When younger men date older women, as my mom would say " It should be for a good time, not a long time." I have to agree with that in away. The cons of dating older women, Depending on the age, No kids, + and -, new sexual exprencies, short life expectency + and -. But women who date much older men they have to deal with immpotence and a weaker eraction. So I say as long as it is okay with both parties then let them be, provding that it's not a 16 year old and a 40+ year old going together, that should be the moral line of this socitey. Maybe I am just not really stating the point I wanted to, but I have stated one point that I agree with. There need to be a line drawn, but the only people that can make that point are the people that involved. So as children we have to let are parents know of the intenions we have with that person and to be honest with that other person and with ourselves.
AS we grow and raise our own children we must remeber that once they start dating, we can nolonger run their life. For fear that they will be pushed away and not aloud to say "told you so", just be a less blunt then that when all goes wrong, after all we had thoughs kids to show love, determion, strength, and for someone to take care of us when we leave our indepent lives and go back into diapers. If we put a wedge between us and our kids, we might have to go into a home, or worse yet not get the hot nurse that is hired to take care of us. So in short, what is the best way to let kids grow up?

Not Even Febury, Yet!

All right who in the hell came up with this day. Hearts, Cupids, and LOVE. I get people fall in love, but to flounet it in front of everyone else. You could say that I am a bitter person, and I hate romance, but I don't hate romance. Yes, I am a little bit biter, but live my life for a day and you would too. I know Valentines day is a little more then a month away, but I hate all that mushy shit. I would rather sit on a bunch of thorns, and have hemriods. For the romance part, if I had S.O.S. I would be romantic, providing that she doesn't piss me off to much. Maybe I just need to work on myself a little bit, but what could I work on? No, I am not saying that I am perfect, but who is? Tell me who is perfect and I will show you somone who is hiding something. Do not get me wrong I think starving to be perfect is, kinda of good, but let me ask you what is perfect? Men that are 6'ft tall, a perfectly cementrical face, pecks, six pack and that are so vein they have no time for anything else. Or women that are 5'5, small wasit, blond hair, blue eyes, and after every child they get there former waist back. Now let me ask you, who told you that this is the perfect looking person,( not the perfect one for you, I know what tells us that). I will tell you who told us this the same people that put people on the cover of magizines. I say we tell them what is perfect, but again to use the perfect person is what our brains tell us, not what the magiznes tell us. Then again our brains tell us what is perfect and the magiznes tell us who we should look and we all fall into that from time to time, don't we? well I got off topic and went from hateing Valentines day, to just complaing abaout life in general. See ya later.

I need to change.

Okay for those of who have seen my room you know what it looks like, for the ones that don't you should come and visit me. I want to paint my dark walls white, put this sound proof foam on my walls. Get ride of the Goth, but I kind of like my vampire, lamp, mirror, and devil poster. I want to turn my room back into a room, definitely get ride of the couch, and get my water bed back. However Lisa won't let me, " I don't have the space, in my room!" I do if I can get ride of my desk and a couple other things. Don't get me wrong I like all my stuff, but I want to go for the minimal effect in here. I don't know why though. So I purpose this plan, I WILL GET A JOB, AND THEN AN APARTMENT. After I pay for Europe. Well I really don't have much to say.

Oh, yea I forgot, I have lost 4 pounds, and have not drank any pop or caffeine for that matter, I feel great. I want to go out and celebrate this weekend anyone game?

Back From The Dead!?

Hey, folks thought I would let you know Im not dead I just have no news to write about, at this time anyways. I am in school and class is going to start soon so I will update sooner or later proably a lot later.

Ryan's Deep Thought of The Week.

Quite recently I saw a lady talking to herself, and I thought she must have had multiple personalities. Or whatever it is when they talk to themsevles. Onward to the thought. So I was thinking, that maybe we all have that mental disorder where we talk to ourselves and we don't really excise. Meaning that we are just really someone elses personality, and when we are not in use we live in what we call the "real world." But then I thought were do we go when we are in use then it hit me; when we are in use we sleep. If you think about it we don't all sleep at the same time. So I have to wonder if what we call 2005 isn't really there. And maybe the people we call friends are not there, and we can only see them because we are using the persons mind to produce them. But then again, what about the past of all of our friends. So I know that we all really do exist. All so from what I have been taught in Psychology is that I have oversimplifed life. That lead me to think what is the meaning of life. So this is how I can intrupet the meaning of life. Life is what we all want it to be. If we want to teach then we teach, we do what we want. The "bitter people" are the ones not making the most of life and say everyone is just dumping on them and that they are the "systems Bitch." Well that is all I don't think I have stated all that I wanted to nor that I stated it correctly but I do have a lot on my mind right now. So until I can speak about what I want, about what is going on in my life, well my family's lives, I am going to sign off for now and maybe I won't be back for a while well see y' all later bye for now.


P.s
I am going to Vegas for my 21'st birthday, anyone want to go let me know bye.

I need to say this!

Okay first of all I want to applogize to anyone that I might have offended. I am really and truely sorry if I was an ass too anyone last night. I also have a video tape of us drinking and if anyone wants a copy of the tape let me know and I will make you a copy. Watching the downward spiral of the drinking last night. How in the hell I didn't throw up last night I don't know this, but I think it was a good thing that I didnt; all the toliets were taken at one point and yes the bath tub as well. Hey is anyone really feeling the hangover effects from the party let me know, cuz I don't have one, hmm? Well I have to admit that I had a really great time at Jeff's last night and I do belive that we all had a lot of laughs too. Shot watching some of them trying to walk was fun in it's self. Well I'm gonna get going for right now I think I am going to shower and run to the store and pick up some blank tapes. Ps None of us (from jeff's party) can run for public office, see yaa!

this is a note to Ryan call grandma and make sure that jeff is ok to come to ohio.
I am totally drunk on januray 1 2005. Rachel please call me when u read this update. Well I am soo drunk I dont have a clue on what i am doing so hey i know i need a comma somwhere or even a period but i am too drunk to know this later to alll who can see this.