Yo!?

So, I graduate roughly a year form June. It's taking me a few years, but atleast I will have a degree. What I will do with it is beyond me. So I've been seeking professional help. I am not getting what I thought I would, but I've only been going a little while; I just don't feel better. However, he wants me to go to a Psychiatrist's and be tested for a disorder (hmm. I might be bipolar.) That's a shocker, not.

So I've also been dating (a lot) this is what I want if you know someone that fits this description let me know. 1) Likes rock, metal, pop, rap, and certain mainstream music.
2) Likes going out as much as staying in.
3) Does not want to have sex every night.
4) Funny.
5) Likes my friends.
6) DOESN'T PISS ME OFF.

So until I find the person that fits those six characteristics I shall not have sex till then.

I might be eating my own words sooner or later.

Why?

Why do I get so stressed. I'm tired of stressing about things that are out of my control. I mean it's not to the point it was last year, but god damnit I've had a hell of a week.

1) Step dad has prostate cancer.
2) Broke...
3) Working a ton.
4) School is filling my plate.
5) I can't scream and I want to.

I am going to Florida for a spring break. If you'd like to join me let me know. Only, serious apply.

Oh God!!!

I am so tired of work and working. I mean I would have no problem working all these hours if it was at one job. 33 hours out of 72 hours... Yeah for school. Why did I just say that you ask? I have two days off a week and my school schdule is sweet. I'm there on Monday at 10 am till 1125 am then Weds same time and then again at 6 pm. Wow that's a big break I get chills and love it time off. That's fucked up I know.

You all wondered if I have morals.

Well I was online chatting with a friend-of-a-friend and got really pissed off. This person kept inviting me to there place for a "long weekend." I told them that I don't take time off, because I don't have paid days off at the moment and they said well "if you're good enough i will pay." Believe it or not I actually went off on the fucker. I simply said " I don't get down like that!" I ended up blocking him from aim and sending my friend an e-mail not to give my sn to any one ever again. The nerve of the person to think I was a common run of the mill hooker. I'm pissed. Just because I am broke does not mean I will sell my body. Honestly I am easy, if you're hot enough yeah sex will happen, but to offer money ewww! So there u have it my morals I will not take money for sex!!

Hmm!

I've come to the realization that my Mom is really concerned about me. This is how it started. My phone rang and my friend answered it for me, (cuz I was in the shower). Mind you this is the second time in the last couple months that a "stranger" answered my phone. This than lead to the conversation that was weired "When are you going to get into a relationship?" she said. "Umm... I dunno 30 ish.?" Then we kinda got heated. My point is that no relationship in my family works. I've been burned and don't want to be burned again; not to mention that I'm only 23 do I really need to find the love of my life so young, wouldn't it just make it boring and harder to stay together after 30 or so years? but if I find that person when I'm say 30 then by the time the heat/ passion ends we'll both be to old to split and just stick it out until they die and I get a lover half my age. (mind you I plan on being well off when I'm old.) So is my reasoning behind all this misguided or is it just right for me. Mind you I'm really not looking for the love of my life; I'm perfectly content being single. I don't need some to have kids with or anything like that. I am self efficient. I guess I just don't see the point.


P.s Why is every one obsessed with Olive oil?

Yeah!

So my b-day will be here in ten days ( I'm not sure why, but I'm not looking forward to it.) I don't know why it's bothering me so, but I'm just not ready to turn 23. 23 is not old by any standards, but for me it scares me; but what scares me the most is that I'm not sure why I am scared. It's not like I'm turning 30 or anything. I know I am going to change a few things, but I'm still figuring out what I am going to change. Yeah, so those who read this know when my party is if not it's the 19th at 8 pm let me know if you can come. Bye for now.

Wow!!!

Okay, I know it's not much, but it's a start. I have been picked to be a Projectionists at the movie Cinema. It's just an extra shift a week, but if I can get up to four shifts a week I won't have to work at Meijer. yayayayayayayayayayayayayyaya!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I GIVE UP!!!

Okay, we all know I am pro-dem. but the party let me down. I thought for sure that Hillary would win the nom. I was wrong!! If Obama does get it I am letting you all know that I am voting for the old man (McKain); compared to Obama he's got a better grasp and he proably won't make. Granted I am almost certain that the nation won't vote for McKain. Stats show that he is to old for our nation and face it the last time we had an old guy in office we dropped the Atom-bomb. Mark my words. I will be done with school before the end of the next term and if this nation isn't going in the right path I will be doing the opposite of my family. I will be going to the UK. I am disappointed in my nation that my GRANDFATHER, MY FATHERS PARENTS AND SO FORTH right down to my triple maybe even more Great-uncle Sitting bull; has flocked to the land. I have to jump the pond inorder to make a decent living. DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!1

I have nothing new to say. I am planing a party some time this month it will be a saturday. I am not going all out, I doubt many of you will show. BUt I am letting you all know bye for now.

sup world

I don't know what to say. I am in my new place and I have two jobs and no money... I like the fact that I am by myself, but it does get a little lonely, but I think I will get over it. I might buy some form of hamster or cat or both and just cross breed'em. Other then the endless amount of silence I am good. Thinking of a get together but not until I get my new tv and couch, probably just couch.

Hello World!

Sorry about not posting sooner, but with school, work and packing and then unpacking, my time is little. I am finaily in my new place and can't be happier. It is so quite and I am in my own little world once again. I am most definitely ready to enjoy this chapter of my life and am thinking about a third tattoo. I was thinking something like a Mountain with the sun coming up. Or a dragon going down my thigh. If you have any ideas let me know ASAP. Well, ya'll I must get going from this I will be posting pictures on myspace, but not till I get my couch.

Last Night...

I had a lot of fun siting at a total dive bar and hanging out with my friends and getting drunk and drunker. it just felt right I've been so happy the last few days. I don't know what's changing I'm just happy that it is. I am actually so close to the finish line that I can see the win. I can't wait till Next year I start getting paper work ready for student teaching and off to England I go. I would like to work there a year post student teaching. Then I will roll the dice and go from there who knows I just might end up in France, Russia, Italy, Sweden, South America, only gods knows I think he knows; can he see the future it really hasn't been written yet and when you figure in free-will that makes up a large part of everything right. Here's to letting go and moving on and never ever looking back.

I am so fucking sick of people!

I have no reason to bitch i just feel like being one. I kinda wish I could turn time back and re-do a couple of things, but ya'know shit happens for a reason. I just wish people would just stop wasting my time. Would I be wrong for deleting Kraig from my "myspace?" I truly of no use or need for him. Hmm this I shall pounder for a while, before doing so. Yes, if I delete him I will have him off of my cell phone bill.

Downloading!

Things I needed to do.
1) get a new job (got two)
2)Pass the term (so far so good.)
3) Piss on the people who did me wrong. (in my own little way)
4) Find happiness (well I am kinda happier)

I hate it when the Repbulicans are running shit.

I went from 16,500 to 7,500 in 12 months. I have more going out then in. I have robbed Petter to pay Paul so damn much that Paul can't see straight. I know and understand I have made this bed and now I have to sleep in it. But at what point does it get better. if the hours i have at Meijer would just go up by two shifts I'd be okay. I would be more than just floating. On the go side I might be enter upon something that should have meaning and I am doing pretty damn well this term. I am just worried that I won't be able to afford to continue my CMU degree. Who knows I just might get a job and flourish in MT.P.


There I updated.

My Dream.

Let me tell you this is really weird. I was at my moms and there was a funeral ( I don't know who died it was a closed casket). I was walking around without a shirt on and some shorts (I must have worked out I looked good with out the shirt on). During the day people kept coming in and pay their respects and what not, but during this time I was locked in a room (my choice). In this room there was this fine ass blond and we ended up having crazy sex. Towards the end of the dream I was leaving the room. As I left my mom said "Don't you think you should say good bye?" So I sat on the floor talking to the casket and started to cry (woke up crying). What does this mean??

Glory.

I think I am going to be very happy. I have met some one very special I feel that we're going to be good friends or more. I hope more. I spent three hours on the phone with them. It feels good that some one and I might be happy together.

Change everything and everyone is changing. I can feel it within myself. I don't know if it is the lack of stimulation or cabin fever, but I need to change something and everything fast.

Starting with this. My first mental health day is Saturday of this week. I would like to go out and hang with my friends. If I still have some.

I know I have been putting a distance between us and now comes the time to change that. Let's do it let's hang out more. I know I call people, but do you??

I'm doing it. I am changing. I can feel the happiness tapping at my shoulder and beckoning for me to play with it. I am wanting to hang with old and dear friends. I don't want to be with the new ones. I don't want the drugs, the booze, the sadness. I want MY LIFE BACK and I've got it.

I have deiceded to hire a PI to find my dad so I can send him a letter telling him my stance of him. This leads me to ask: should I let a sleeping dog rest or should I unload so I can finally have peace with him and my life. I don't blame him (much). Do I feel my life would have been different if he was in it. Yes, the scary part is I don't know if my life would have been better or worse.

To the next "Special Person In my Life."


1) If you cheat you're gone.
2) Yes, being drunk and fucking your ex is cheating.
3) Once, I dump you I will ever take you back.
4) I will not be your friend when I break up with you that's it.
5) I won't hurt you if you don't hurt you.


I am speaking from my past. I hate it so much, but yet again I was fucking right. Twice. I didn't cheat on them once. I will never get into another ltr.

I often fear I am to nice. I do/have noticed one thing. In this materilistic world I could be King, however I am not. I like nice things and I like my things to be nice and stay nice I have noticed this; I share. I notice the other day that I am very different then my brother. My mother realized years ago that you don't share your wife, house, clothes, cars and extc. Thus, she change her parenting style. You can share if you want to and trust me I don't want to I just do. This brings me to the point I would like to make. I don't care for being nice nice gets you nothing in this world. I have been to nice to many people in this world and I have yet to be repaid for it. Nice guy is dead.