I am happy. I meet somebody and I think this person will be sticking around for a while. I just meet him, but it feels like I've known him for a long time. He's great.

I had a messed up dream last night. It was about my Father. I geuss it might be because my mom saw his sister-in-law. She asked about me and my mom told her. I don't understand why I had the dream though. I have no diesire in meeting him. In the dream we meet in a school. He gets up and hugs me. He has a big belly, tall, beard, dark hair, and grey hair. I woke up wondering if I should meet him or just say fuck it. Deep down inside I know he wouldn't welcome me with open arms. I mean what do you say to a person that left you before you were born? "Hi, dad I'm the son you always wanted, but left." or better yet what would you say to the child you left. "Hi, son, I'm you dad. Let's go play ball."

I am lost. I have tons more questions and ponderings to do. I geuss I keep hoping that some day he would come and knock on my door. Not to take me away, but so I can have a father and mother. That is something I always wanted. I know I will never have that. The best I can do is be there for my children. My mom did her best and I think she has done pretty well. If you look at the stero-types for single parents.

Have a happy Turkey day.

The concert was pretty cool. I really enjoyed the "Caberary" (sp). I have to admit I was not expeceting the concert to be soon fun. I geuss as long as you have a good friend with you all is good. Well I have a house to clean and am no mood to do it. Damn, holidays. Screw it I am just gonna go to bed. Leave me a message.

I have noticed that the vast majority of my friends seem to be depressed and puting distince between the rest of the circle. I fear that the circle won't last much longer. That's a shame too. We use to have so much fun, but now it's like we have to pull teeth to do anything with them. I know I put some distiance between me and the circle, I blame my job. I have been working to many hours. All work and no play makes for a very dull life. I must admit I am having second thoughts about leaving the theater, but I must way the pros and cons of my sanity. That's funny cuz my sanity is hanging on by a very thin thread. I must go now and slave away at a job I hate more than G. W.

P.S Go DEMS, keep this up and you will control the free world in the next election.

I feel bad. I am sick. I have thrown up since 4:40 a.m and it almost hasn't stoped. I called my doctor to see what he wants me to do. His response was stomach flu and ear infection. He faxed my job a note excussing me for the day. I feel bad cuz I was closing manager, but if I have the stomach flu what good am I any ways. Plus this is like the first time I have called in since June of '05. I am going to bed now I feel all achey and ill like.

Battling my demons are harder then I had antipated. I seem to get one problem under control and I realize I have issues with another. This seems to be a sprialing out of control condition. I really don't know what to do. If I drink it's to much. If I eat it's to much. If I start smoking it's to much and costly. I can't spend money ( I don't have any). If you have any ideas give me a call or message.

I WANT A NEW JOB. Okay, I admit it I CAN'T HANDLE that place anymore. I go there and get sick, I think about just going home, and I stlll make shit for money. I did manage to get offered a job today and I might take it. It's the same amount of hours per week same money. But is really laid back. I geuss the new chapter of my book will be. "THE SHOE SALESMAN".