I'm doing it. I am changing. I can feel the happiness tapping at my shoulder and beckoning for me to play with it. I am wanting to hang with old and dear friends. I don't want to be with the new ones. I don't want the drugs, the booze, the sadness. I want MY LIFE BACK and I've got it.

I have deiceded to hire a PI to find my dad so I can send him a letter telling him my stance of him. This leads me to ask: should I let a sleeping dog rest or should I unload so I can finally have peace with him and my life. I don't blame him (much). Do I feel my life would have been different if he was in it. Yes, the scary part is I don't know if my life would have been better or worse.