Hey world. I am starting to think Rachel and I are the only people that update on an almost the only people who update their blogs. Where are all the people at. I know you're all not doing homework, who does homework anymore??

This is just my luck.

I had a tooth ache lastnight. I endedup takeing like three or four asprins (not at once) just to get ride of the pain. I did call the dentist and had me come in today. They took x-rays and looked at my tooth. Nothing visibly wrong with my tooth. This lead my dentist to say that I will have to go back and have the spcealist look at it and fix it. I will end having to have a deeper rootcanal done. She, thinks they might have missed a large part of the nerve. I now have to go back and have the cap taken off and have the nerve taken out. I will end up being knocked-out. Only, I would have to have my tooth re-routecanaled.

This is the scoupe folks. I want to see "Riverdance" Rachel seems to be intrested in going. I thought it would be fun to see if we could get the group to go. Cuz the majority of us are in school tickets would only be like 12 dollars. The boyfriend can't make it and I really want to see "Riverdance". Irish music, dancing; what could be more fun? Come on, after the play we all could go to the bar and pretend to beIrish and get snot faced. Jeff I'm talking to you....

I have been feeling a little down and am not sure why. I read some where that if you clean up your surroundings that might help you feel better (not that I live in complete filth, but I geuss my car and room could use a good cleaning). I need to find a night job just for sanity purposses. I actually feel help in my realtionship. I have never been happy to hear from someone on a daily bases. That is saying a lot for me. I mean my own mother gets on my last nerves every now and then. I need to do something that doesn't cost me a lot of money. On another note I am caught up on my bills; now if I can just pay off my last two cards off I will be just fine. bye all.

Back from Chicago.

I had fun... Jeff and I had a 92.50 dollars bar tab our first night. Then midnight we bought Rachel a Bombcicle. Were after that we went to T.G.I.F'S for a snack. Our, waiter was gordon and French, and GAY. He really, reminded me of Lyrch from the Adam's family. Then we cliberated her birthday. I took it eaisy cuz of my anckle. I liked it I proally would have liked it more if it weren't so damn cold. Kraig wants to go so, we might go this summer or something.

I have done the impossible two things for me.

I have been involved for about two almost three months. I have also gotten so cheap that I have put over 30,00 miles on my brakes. I am really anal about car repairs. Had a friend check it out and all i need are front pads. Pads are like 25 dollars. So for about 75 dollars, 25 for brakes and 50 to buy beer, smokes, and food. That still beats 200 dollars for a brake job. Yay me. Well I have to get in the shower and pick of my love from his place. I love haveing somone like him in my life.

P.s.

Rachel I will have the rest of your money for you on friday I think.

Where has all the parenting gone?

They put T.V. shows on showing the disobeidant little children. Who in there right mind would let a child tell them what to do or act in such a mannor. Let me tell you if my child ever acted out in such a mannor there ass would be red for a week. I hate the fact that discapline in the family is wrong. I think a lot of old fashioned ways are good. I don't think a child should be beaten with a belt. A bare hand across the butt is more then enough. Now, I don't want to hear that in todays world parent hate punishing there kids, because they both have to work 40 plus hours aweek to mantain a descent living. My mom was a single mother, worked two or more jobs. When I acted out I would either recive a spanking, or she would threaten me. I think I turned out pretty okay.

Now, for you pre-teens and teens who think you're grown. You're not. You should be thankful that teachers can't spank or hit a student, I know many students at the school I went to and work at who would have greatly needed it. If I would have acted like that when I was in that age, all the privilages that were given to me would have been taken away.

I must say thank you for raising me the way you did mom.

Does any one ever feel like there's a little guy (women) in the back of your headfighting sanity and insanity? I feel as if the one of the little people in the my head is losing the fight for sanity. I just wonder how many more sane years I have left. I wonder if I will be one of those old farts that walk around flipiing the bird to kids, and telling other people just to plain old "fuck off." I would like atleast fourty or fifty years left before I am that to far gone. Well I am off to a Christmas party.

I think I've been hanging out at the bar to much. I don't drink that much, but I have to start getting to bed eairler I have to hang on to my tutoring job atleast till I find another one. I am so happy to be done with the shit hole at the end of the week.

I don't get it.

Seriously, what is your problem with me, you didnt like me from the start, but yet you come with Rachel and Dan to celebrate my birthday. Im just kinda curious. You seem really negative about things and you never really got to know me personally so why hate. Anyway, Im not scared of what you think. But even Rachel has invited me to her birthday party at her new apartment. So, what do you have to say about that. Im not being a bitch either, im just telling you the truth. Pam

Why me. Well this was my response.

I don't like you for many reason. I don't like what you did to Jeff. That is enough for me to not like a person. Plus, I don't think you get what it means to be Christian. Christians have deep moral control. Which you have proven time and time again you don't have. And Rachel is free to invite you to anything she wants. I plan on being at her bday party too. But I won't go out of my way to make you feel welcomed towards me nor will I be an ass to you out of RESPECT for Rachel. However, if I see you in public I shan't be aknowlegding you in any way. I hope this will get a point made to you. The circle of friends that I have know how I feel and they have approved my attitude. If you don't like it tough


Since, when do I have to explain myself to people can't I just not like somebody any more. I mean really we all are in the real world. I don't like you I don't like you. GOD

It appears that CMU has lowered there standards. I will be attending this fall. That means I will be commuting between Saginaw and Mount Pleasent. Kraig and I still seem to be getting along great. I can't help but wonder if I like him more he likes me. Then on the other hand I can't help, but wonder if he likes me more. I really want this to work. This Sunday will mark a total of 14 days of knowing eachother. That makes me happy. In other news. I am buying a Jeep in Feb. My mom has requested that I get one for the snow next year. I found one that I love, but alas it is in Philly. Anybody wanna join me? I plan on flying there and driving back.

I am happy. I meet somebody and I think this person will be sticking around for a while. I just meet him, but it feels like I've known him for a long time. He's great.

I had a messed up dream last night. It was about my Father. I geuss it might be because my mom saw his sister-in-law. She asked about me and my mom told her. I don't understand why I had the dream though. I have no diesire in meeting him. In the dream we meet in a school. He gets up and hugs me. He has a big belly, tall, beard, dark hair, and grey hair. I woke up wondering if I should meet him or just say fuck it. Deep down inside I know he wouldn't welcome me with open arms. I mean what do you say to a person that left you before you were born? "Hi, dad I'm the son you always wanted, but left." or better yet what would you say to the child you left. "Hi, son, I'm you dad. Let's go play ball."

I am lost. I have tons more questions and ponderings to do. I geuss I keep hoping that some day he would come and knock on my door. Not to take me away, but so I can have a father and mother. That is something I always wanted. I know I will never have that. The best I can do is be there for my children. My mom did her best and I think she has done pretty well. If you look at the stero-types for single parents.

Have a happy Turkey day.

The concert was pretty cool. I really enjoyed the "Caberary" (sp). I have to admit I was not expeceting the concert to be soon fun. I geuss as long as you have a good friend with you all is good. Well I have a house to clean and am no mood to do it. Damn, holidays. Screw it I am just gonna go to bed. Leave me a message.

I have noticed that the vast majority of my friends seem to be depressed and puting distince between the rest of the circle. I fear that the circle won't last much longer. That's a shame too. We use to have so much fun, but now it's like we have to pull teeth to do anything with them. I know I put some distiance between me and the circle, I blame my job. I have been working to many hours. All work and no play makes for a very dull life. I must admit I am having second thoughts about leaving the theater, but I must way the pros and cons of my sanity. That's funny cuz my sanity is hanging on by a very thin thread. I must go now and slave away at a job I hate more than G. W.

P.S Go DEMS, keep this up and you will control the free world in the next election.

I feel bad. I am sick. I have thrown up since 4:40 a.m and it almost hasn't stoped. I called my doctor to see what he wants me to do. His response was stomach flu and ear infection. He faxed my job a note excussing me for the day. I feel bad cuz I was closing manager, but if I have the stomach flu what good am I any ways. Plus this is like the first time I have called in since June of '05. I am going to bed now I feel all achey and ill like.

Battling my demons are harder then I had antipated. I seem to get one problem under control and I realize I have issues with another. This seems to be a sprialing out of control condition. I really don't know what to do. If I drink it's to much. If I eat it's to much. If I start smoking it's to much and costly. I can't spend money ( I don't have any). If you have any ideas give me a call or message.

I WANT A NEW JOB. Okay, I admit it I CAN'T HANDLE that place anymore. I go there and get sick, I think about just going home, and I stlll make shit for money. I did manage to get offered a job today and I might take it. It's the same amount of hours per week same money. But is really laid back. I geuss the new chapter of my book will be. "THE SHOE SALESMAN".

I saw two bumper sticker today and laughed so hard. I don't like putting them on my car, but if I found these ones I would. One said "God is to big to fit into on relgion." and the other said "If only closed minded people came with closed mouths." I know we all have our own takes and belieafs, but I am sick of other people pusching them on me. I know what I am. I am a man who likes to have fun. It doesn't matter with who as long as I get along with them. I writ this, because today I recived a phone call and it was this person that said if you don't have god your soul is going to pay for ever. I know god is there god is in me, you and every one. Jesus is the one that will pass final judgement. I like to believe that as long as I don't hurt people and be totally cruel I will go into a state of Ecasty. If I don't then I will relive my life over and over until I get it right. I will be totally fine with that. We all learn from our mistakes. I didn't intend to write this much, but I had a creative moment.

I should inform you that I am kind of seeing some one. I am not going to introduce this person for a while. First off they are in the Marines and secondly we are still just getting to know one-another. I don't know how much we still need to know about eachother. We have had sex a couple of times. I am actually happy.

I am still leaving the theater, but not till the first of the year. If CMU accepts me I will just make the comute.