I don't get it.


I feel physically fine; just emotionally I feel like shit. I don't know if it's the old me poking it's way through again. Or a lack of direction in my life. For the first time in my life I don't know what I want. I can't stand this. I always know what I want. I don't know what I want right now. Most people want love, romance, and all that. I don't I couldn't tell you what I want. I want to be happy. I don't know what to do to feel happy. The usual things don't do it. I geuss if I move to MTP I will begin to get happy for once.

Hi. I've been sick and unable to reach my laptop. I'm still a little whozy. My fever is down. I had to take sudifed. I am not happy about that. I don't like studifed.

Okay, I'm moving. I can't do it here anymore. I need a change I need something to push me forward and stop tring to hang on to the past. It's like everyone is going on and I'm still stuck in the past. Maybe a move will do me good. Let me reconnect with myself and help me realize I am and always will be better on my own. As long as I have my friends and family I will be good. I am tring to figure out my emotions, but fail at every turn. I have decieded that that past is the past and there is no seanse in fixing what is done. All I want to do is remeber the good times, but latly I am fixed on the bad. Not just in my personal life, but family, and work. I have decieded that I am appling for a mentor program for the MTP schools and to work the door and the Blue Goator bar. Contemplating something that will help me find my passion again. I fell as if I am a total lost. I am gonna go back to thearpy and hope they will give me the tools I need to fix my life. With the prostpects of a new job I have decieded to sell my car at tax time, I dunno what I'm gonna get, but beat your ass it will be another hot car. I am gonna go on a much needed vaction. I was planing on going to London over Christmass, but have changed my mind and am going to London in June. Maybe, I won't come back maybe I will. I just want to be happy. It's been years since I felt happy and I 've noticed today I miss it like no other. I am not meant for a relationship happiness, but happiness in my proffisonal life. My goals are changing. Although I want to be an educator, I want my own company. Nothing big but nice. I want my own bars (serires of bars), chain of movie theaters. I want a kid. I don't want a kid with my DNA, we all know that would not be the best. My DNA is basicly unknown and I think I am gonna keep that. I have realized that I don't need to know who my father is, nor which person is my grandfather. Although, those things are swell I don't need them. I know who loves me and who doesn't and I am just fine with the people that love me. Never again will I allow myself to get hurt. To get hurt makes you valunerable to be valunerable is to be weak minded. We all know I am not weak minded nor am I valunerable. I noticed a wierd change in me. The old me is gone the new me is kind of more fun. I want to go places I don't want to be home, but I don't want go to the bar. Drinking has lost all fun for me. I would like to end this update with a quote, however I can't remeber who said it; it's just one of those quotes you know exist, but can't remeber who said it. "My pen is the sword and my brain is the theasurs. As long as I have ink, my pages will be filled. My theasurs is my brain. My brain can swim the deepest lakes filled with words. As long as the lake is full I shall never be at a lost for words."

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I thought I was unhappy... I don't think that's the case, cuz now I am miserable. I don't feel like I belong any were. I don't find happiness any where. What am I going to do? I think I messed up. I think CMU was a mistake. I need to finish school. That is if I don't flunk out first. I need to pull all C's this term. With the amount of work and the fact that they gave me a five day a week schdule is pointless. I can't shake this feeling like I'm going to make a lot more mistakes, before the year is up. I just don't wanna do anything stupid.

You self-protective Crabs have a hard shell and a soft, sensitive inside. You tend to take your relationships quite seriously, and although you have high ideals, you'll choose a partner who is authentic, though imperfect, over an unrealizable dream lover. You do, however, have your fantasies, especially this year as imaginative Neptune opposes the "make it real" planet, Saturn. Your heart is easily wounded, not because of increased sensitivity but because you are likely to reach further than usual, thereby setting yourself up for romantic disappointment. Don't get discouraged during the summer when Venus, the love planet, does her retrograde dance. If someone special doesn't live up to your unrealistic expectations, reevaluate the situation and move forward once you know the truth. But don't use this as an excuse to withdraw emotionally or you may isolate yourself from the very love you so strongly desire.

*This article is excerpted from the book, 'Your Astrology Guide 2007' by Rick Levine and Jeff Jawer, astrologers for Tarot.com. To find out your key dates and those of your friends and lovers -- and to get the scoop on your Super Nova days, too -- purchase this book.


Hmm, I wonder if this is true or not??? I know the truth about "Horoscopes" Rachel and I did a project in high school on em...