Okay, I'm moving. I can't do it here anymore. I need a change I need something to push me forward and stop tring to hang on to the past. It's like everyone is going on and I'm still stuck in the past. Maybe a move will do me good. Let me reconnect with myself and help me realize I am and always will be better on my own. As long as I have my friends and family I will be good. I am tring to figure out my emotions, but fail at every turn. I have decieded that that past is the past and there is no seanse in fixing what is done. All I want to do is remeber the good times, but latly I am fixed on the bad. Not just in my personal life, but family, and work. I have decieded that I am appling for a mentor program for the MTP schools and to work the door and the Blue Goator bar. Contemplating something that will help me find my passion again. I fell as if I am a total lost. I am gonna go back to thearpy and hope they will give me the tools I need to fix my life. With the prostpects of a new job I have decieded to sell my car at tax time, I dunno what I'm gonna get, but beat your ass it will be another hot car. I am gonna go on a much needed vaction. I was planing on going to London over Christmass, but have changed my mind and am going to London in June. Maybe, I won't come back maybe I will. I just want to be happy. It's been years since I felt happy and I 've noticed today I miss it like no other. I am not meant for a relationship happiness, but happiness in my proffisonal life. My goals are changing. Although I want to be an educator, I want my own company. Nothing big but nice. I want my own bars (serires of bars), chain of movie theaters. I want a kid. I don't want a kid with my DNA, we all know that would not be the best. My DNA is basicly unknown and I think I am gonna keep that. I have realized that I don't need to know who my father is, nor which person is my grandfather. Although, those things are swell I don't need them. I know who loves me and who doesn't and I am just fine with the people that love me. Never again will I allow myself to get hurt. To get hurt makes you valunerable to be valunerable is to be weak minded. We all know I am not weak minded nor am I valunerable. I noticed a wierd change in me. The old me is gone the new me is kind of more fun. I want to go places I don't want to be home, but I don't want go to the bar. Drinking has lost all fun for me. I would like to end this update with a quote, however I can't remeber who said it; it's just one of those quotes you know exist, but can't remeber who said it. "My pen is the sword and my brain is the theasurs. As long as I have ink, my pages will be filled. My theasurs is my brain. My brain can swim the deepest lakes filled with words. As long as the lake is full I shall never be at a lost for words."