WHO THE HELL IS JMR?

I have no clue who this is so let me know!

Okay This Is My Promies For 05!

I was cleaning my room and I sumbled on my drivers liscnce, wow I still have my licnce, and I realized that I have gained some weight in the past three almost four years since I recived my drivers licince. Like soo soo many people I want to take it off; seeing how many diets fail. I refuse to diet, so I am going to get off the coach and lock up the keg, fridge and junk food cupboard, and exercise, both my mind and my body. I have been reading a lot lately and I like it, simply cuz a book doesn't tell you of the death and crime of now it gives us a fake one, and I like that. So in four years I have gain twenty pounds and I want to losse atleast thrityfive. that will bring me close to the ideal weight for my height.
No pop.
No carbs.
No chips. and so on and so on. Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it, later for now!

Should I or Shouldn't I?

I finished "Angela's Ashes" and "T'is" both memiors and autobigorphies. I was thinking if I wrote a book about my life, from start to now, would anyone read it? I have the start planned out, but how could I do it? My father leaving, way, before I was born the way my grandfather left my mother, the way my grandmother didn't raise my mother, and my IDIOIT step-father. If I write a book I have the begining and middle but no end, I have no end because im only 19. How ever I do feel that I have traveled far in my shoes and my shoes are going to take me even further. Yes if I wrote a book I do have a titled for it "My Promise." No it is not a working title. So I ask all who read this, should I write a book, or should I not write one?
Pleas note this is not a retorical question please leave my your opinon.

I Have No Life!

Nothing to do and no where to go. Life in this state and "town" SUCKS. Damn this layoff, if I weren't laid off I would be looking for my own place right now. I have decided that ,even though it is recomned that I stay at Delta for another four semsters, I am not. I am going to find a school in 1. Californa 2. Arizona 3. Flordia 4. Ohio 5. ANY SCHOOOL OUT SIDE OF THIS SHIT HOLE PLACE. I know this sounds like im just bitching about everything, I am, I have decided that the farther away I am, the better my life will change. I am hopeing that the memories will stay dormate and won't be brought up to be remebered any more. Lets see if I am right, however with my luck, I will have a lot of time to sit and think and the memories will be bright back up. So I geuss I need to be moving on and seek professional help, maybe I can get some good drugs from the "Proffesional" later!

I Hate Most of My Memories!

Looking back at the first couple of years living here, really sucked. We were truly white trash. Christmas sucked, and the attidude of my Step-father did not help at all. If I chose not to think of the past will I truley forget it? Well from what I have learned in Psych, I really can not forget memories, so what am I to do? I do not like my past and thinking about it kind of brings me down. As I notice through out life people with a bad past, turns out to be an Acohlic. I for one do not wish to go down that path, I have seen that past and it is not a promising one. Drink, get mean , treat people like garbage, and jail time. So I am not saying that I will never drink, but what I am saying is that I will never chose a life that revolves around the "Drink".

Sincerly,

Ryan Ruiz de Castilla.

Shaun of the Dead!

Well I have decided that Shaun of the dead is fucking great! It has death, comedy, and swearing. I say everyone should go and see this movie, or else. WEll for those of whom who dont know I have been laid off for the next two months. Well, I have a lot of time and no cash so if anybody can think of something to do hit me up.

Shaun of the Dead!

Well I have decided that Shaun of the dead is fucking great! It has death, comedy, and swearing. I say everyone should go and see this movie, or else. WEll for those of whom who dont know I have been laid off for the next two months. Well, I have a lot of time and no cash so if anybody can think of something to do hit me up.

ERRERRR!

So much to do and so much procastion..

Yes, I have homework to do, test to study for and I don't care I know all my grades and I will be passing with at least a C, after I fail my finials that is. Ya know I never really cared about my studies, we all know this to be true. I want to just shut down on my mental thinking and give my mind a rest, I can' t because I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Oh well then I geuss with only one more day of school left till x-mass break, I dont care. I am still looking for a second job for xmass break, any ideas let me know.

P.S
I HATE BLUE GRASS MUSIC, IT GIVES ME A HEDACHE LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELEAVE.

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?

Wow I never Knew!!

2 Comments:
Jeff said...
"Well, not only would I get even.... but I can't be outdone by that sick fuck!I would go to his/her house (ex-wife anyone?) and tie that person to a chair. After the killer is secured in an upright position, I will punish the killer for hurting my "feelings." Castration would come first (or clitoris removal). I would then torture, search, and google until I knew the names, address numbers, and even hobbies of the family members. Then I would abduct, rape, and castrate (or remove a clitoris) the family as well. Finally. I will burn many houses down, and attack thumbscrews. After all fingers are broken (and toes), I would break some jaws, crack some heads, and maybe even pull a "Resevoir Dogs" on a few. Finally, I will slow cook them in a vat.... and feet it to the homeless.I hate those sick fucks.Anyhoo, I have a new blog (my second one). I just made it and linked you. I'm at www.sheepshirts.com/dminorJeff, Lord of the Universe (who shall rule with an iron fist covered in acid of rightous smiting)."
5:50 AM
Rachel said...
"...Wow, Jeff. I think you went too far with that one."

Hmm I thought Rachel would be shocked, I used a biblical line in my journal. Hmm maybe she didn't read all of it????? Nah she is, proably just in shocked!
11:35 AM

Put your self in these shoes!

okay, I was watching T.V the other night and a guy came in and killed the family on TV. The guy was so mad, he got revange, and massacured the guy. I mean flat out tourtured him cut fingures off, toes off, and cut other body parts as well. And it got me thinking what would I do if I ever found myself in a simulair situation? (God forbiding of course.)

Well I was thinking, that would use the amount of bullets, or same kind of kneif that he/she used to kill my people. I would not make them suffer any worse then what my people did. But then what would I do if I got caught. What kind of people would convict me for getting even, then it hit me I would only do this if the American judical system failed me. Would this still count as Premeditated murder, and would you do the same if someone harmed one of your love ones?
"An eye for an eye!"


The criminal death of a fetus is a misdemeanor, not murder.
Exodus 21:22-25
When men strive together, and hurt a woman with child, so that there is a miscarriage, and yet no harm follows, the one who hurt her shall be fined, according as the woman's husband shall lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine. If any harm follows, then you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.

Does that fall within that concept?

Dunno!

White walls, white ceillings, white sink; white, white, white, white. If Damen didn't know any better he would swear he lived in a hospital. But he doesn't he lives with his mother whom just happens to love white. Everything was white, till one day Damen was shaveing and red came from his white face. Damen liked that color wanted more of it. "The cut on my face didn't hurt" he thought to himself, whats another, not on the face though mom would know I did it on purpose. The wrist, no to dangerous, the arm? yea the arm nothing to hurt there. WOW!!! The blood was so red, so grand, more more came out until the room was red. Then it went black, then the screams, then the black faded. White all around him, beds, doctors and everything white. Just like home, "Wwwwwhat hhhhappened?" He mumbles. "You slit your wrist" and "almost died." The only thing he thought was "Damn I'll try harder next time"! Only there will never be a next time on the day he was released from the hospital he got hit by a car and died.

Would that be a sin, on one hand he wanted to die, but on the other he had no control of the car that killed him. Oh yea this is an example of irony.

30 mins left.

I have decided to make a post, about what I dunno. I got my power back on at around 1am, Thanksgiving was saved. I don't feel good, I have a sore throat, stuffy nose, and uppset stomach. I am not depressed, happy, nor anxetious, Mellow really describes me right now. I don't want to work 6-2am nor do i want to be awake. I just want to do something other than school and work. AHHAHHHAHHHAHHAHHHAHHHHAHHH. Currently I am watching "VH1" Most awsomely bad metal songs ever! well shit there are many bad metal songs, but then again there are a lot of shity songs, today. I hate a lot of the new songs on the radio today. But yet there are a lot of songs on this show that I really like, "on the road again" bon jovi, "she's only 17" can't remember who did that one. well that is all for now later dude.

10 reasons why I hate Michigan!

10.) Michigan in general.
9) The rainny time in september- October and again in april- march.
8) Dirt roads.
7) The crappy paying jobs.
6) Lack of jobs.
5) The lack of activities in the winter.
4) The smell of swage in the spring.
3)The cold weather.
2) The first snow, people not remembering how to drive.
1) The snow.

Those are just a few reason why I CAN NOT WAIT to move to AZ or Cali.

What percent of men want sex instead of a ltr.

Okay, I was talking to Rachel last night and we got to talking about sex and what percent of men mainly want sex. I say it's more like 99% of men want sex and will dump a girl if they don't put out, she said less than 90 % of guys only want sex. She also said "That my friends don't count when I told her that they would dump a girl if they did not put out." I feel that Rachel thinks highly of the male spiecies, she will learn. I also can relate this theory to women, I asked this, hot, girl why she dated an ungly guy. She told me "Out of fear of being dumped." She thought if she dated and ugly guy she would have the upper hand and her feelings won't get hurt, works sometimes, not all. I guess that is why many men will also date ugly girls. But also some of my other friends told me that they also fear sex, even though they really want to have it, this only happens if they date smokingly hot girls; out of fear that if they don't perform as good as the girl was hoping that they will dump them. So all in all guys really want sex, but in many cases won't perform out of fear. So if you have any clue what I am talking about or if this makes seanse to you all leave a comment.

Sincerly,

Ryan.

Rachel said...

"Well, after you asked me the other day about this, I got to thinking. And it seems to me that each emotion serves its purpose, even the ones that we go out of our way not to feel. Like shame. Shame keeps us from becoming too proud and arrogant. Guilt keeps us from doing things that are mean or wrong. Fear can be a protector, in certain situations - for example, we wouldn't jump off a building for fear that we would die. And while depression sucks, many depressed people have created some beautiful art. So...I guess I can't think of any completely useless or uneeded emotion.

Though they can definitely be a nuisence from time to time."

Oddly enough I agree with Rachel. Without emotions life would be dull and uneventful. Think of all the funny things that happen when people act out of fear, even anger. We all need to know what time it is the right time to laugh at something, if we don't than we really could hurt someone very close to us. Good day y'all!

How Many Times...

How many times have you heard that someone has a bad life or has it rough? I hear it all the time, but when you see someone that has actually lived through a bad life, to become something of a house-hold name is shocking and you wounder why. Well you can't change the past, but you can change your future. That is what I think Frank McCourt is showing us in his book "Angela's Ashes." Frank had nothing growing up and had to work his ass off, apartenly, to become something. He left Ireland at 19 he was done with school at 14 or 15, became a teacher, got married and reunited with his brothers year later. This kind of puts life in perspecitve if you think about it, you have a person who had nothing growing up, but yet became famous. He is a true successtory from rages to richs. This shows people that you can come from nothing and becoome someone. This tells people that you can make a bad situation to a good one. This makes me feel good to know, but bad to know that life is so cruel, but yet can be so kind. You have loses and gains, bumpy roads and smooth ones, and uncertainity and seldomly certainity. So I say to all who see this and know me, "You have one life to live, one time to get it perfect, one time not to mess up, but remeber to enjoy life. You can mess up, but as long as you how to right a wrong, and if you mess up and have kids show them the wrong and how not to act in this life nor the next and you can have a life of "happiness" and maybe you children won't have to right any wrongs, that you have shown them, but right the wrongs they make." If this makes senase let me know or not.

You Pick the Topic.

I am kind of bored with people telling me what to do, my mom tells me that every day, along with the rest of my family. Then tonight at work this woman, who is not a team leader nor manager, gave me her chores to do. I am trying to be a nice person and I said "Why?" Her response was well I don't feel like doing them, again I said "What time do you leave?" she told me 10p.m. Well damnit I have my own responsablities to do, so I tell her "no" and my boss laughed and said "About time somebody refueses to do her work" I said yea I know. Face it in the longrun we all know she did not do her work she left early. Something about feeling sick, she was faking it. Yes Ladies and Gents I got stuck doing her chores. On top of mine, well put it this way AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
I run around Meijer's all night so yes I was not a happy person I was in the back and up front all night and I was sweating like a stuck pig. I will never do that again I will quite before i get stuck with someone else duties. Ryan has spoke!

I Gotta Question to Ask Ya?

What kind, if any, emotions would you want to get ride?
Shame
Guilt
Fear
Happiness
Saddness
Depprisson
Anger

Well I would keep Anger, and Happiness.
I would say lets get ride of Shame, for my own personal reasons.
what ones would u get rid of?

Life as We Know It!

What would you do if life ended in 48hours? Would you spend the last few hours with your loved ones, would you "sew your wild oats?" or what would you do?
I for one would spend the first 24 hours sewing my 'wild oats' :) :) then if I don't die from a hang over, spend the next 12 hours with my friends hug tell them that I love them and that if they can write to me when they go to heaven. Then spend one hour writing an angry letter to all the people that have pissed me off and hope they see it be fore the world ended. Then spend the last 11 hours with my family talking reminacing with em hug em kiss em and tell them when if I die first I will save them a spot next to the AC in Hell. We will all laugh and my Aunt Dude would say that's not funny and my Grandma will say I already lived in hell I want peace for the rest of enterinty. Dude will say tell us Peg what is your perfect heaven? Grandma will say "All my family, all my ex-husbands waiting on us hand and foot, and where my sister won't have any vocal cords." What about your son-in-laws? They can all stay in hell for all I care. Is what she would say. Her daughters will laugh and say that will be the best place in the after life. Then the end would come my grandma will hit her sister, all the daughters will turn to their husbands and say " don't come and find us!" and the world will end. And all the sufering will end and the sins gone and we will all be happy, if their is an after life, that is.

Longing to update.

I want to tell yall something, but I can't because I haven't thought of it yet. I have not had any thing extciting happen at all in the last few days :(. I have to decide on what I need to do with my life, I feel that I have hit a wall of exciting things to talk about. I am going to do something I don't often do, stop talking so that no news will reach anyone before I have a chance to tell them. will good night all.

Short Story.

When the boy woke up he was in a bit of a dazy and happy that this time he could see clearly. He turned his head to the left and saw his mother with silver bracelets on her wrist, she looked almost sickened when she saw her son's face. His mother's face was black & blue, she had a bloody nose, and a cut on her forehead that made her look like Frankenstein. When they made eye contact she turned her head quickly. The Boy was happy that she was in handcuffs, he could figure out why he was so happy, but knew that this was a werid feeling. Werid because he doesn't know if he should feel this way. This was his mother and her only true fault was turning her back on her son and marring a drunkard like he was. The doctor said "The boy is up, and yall can get the 'ell out of this room." For a minute the boy thought he was have a stroke or something was wrong with his brain. Than when a cop spoke to his mother he knew all was fine, the Doctor had a Southern accent. As they left the police said " we will be here tomorrow to talk to the boy!" The nurse and Doctor nodded and said "Fiine".

The next day the police came as they said they would. The sun was high and bright the room was warming up his room. The nurse had came by and changed his bandages and cleaned him up a bit. As she did this she mumbled "Can't have ya lookin like a bum, when your laawyer man comes and talks to ya." The boy just sat there this was the first time that anyone has helped hime with anything since his dad died. Nice days then his mom loved him his dad spent all day with him until he left for work and the boy left for school. But no point in remembering the good ole day now cuz they are long gone now, and he might never get to see his dad in the next life. That is if he really did kill his Step-dad, see he can only remember being hit, thrown acrross the room and seeing the body and the lady cop patting him on the back. Wait he remembers something now the lady cop said "You have more curage than any body I have ever meet and don't ever change that." That is what his dad said the night he died, how did she know this, this was just between the two of them. Can't dwell on this now here comes the cops, they push their way in and the nurse said "Owt wit ya, he aint dressed and thats wrong that yous be here when he has a stich ole clothen on!" FINE, shouted the cops as they turned and waited out said. The nurse said "That will give you lawyer some time, no?"

SPRING BREAK ( FIVE MONTHS AWAY)!

Well well, for the first time since oh freshmen year in high school do I have awsome plans for spsring break. My cousin Jeremy, Amber, Grandma, Aunt Dude:( and myself are going to spring break. Amber is going to Maimi, Jeremy and I are going to Daytona, Grandma and Aunt Dude are going to vist a family member in Ocwhala. I swear I will drive my own car to daytona if Dude goes. Yes she will say " No booze, no sex, girls) = not fun at all, well for the youths. but I dont care cuz it's spring break and I am going to have fun fun all day under the sun and drink drink all night under the moon. so if any one knows of any good hotels in North daytona let me know spanks bye!!!!

Shot Story Time!

The house was silent as he apporached the door, out of fear that they might set him off with the anger again. He walked in stagering and in a temper like never before, the child was hiding in his room more silent than a mouse. Until he sneezed, that set the man off like never before. The dark room went bright the boy found himself nose to nose with the horrible man. The wife attempted to stop the drunk man, he sent her flying accross the hall, leaving the child to defend himself. Just as the Man hits the boy, the boy remebers the last words his dad told him before he died, " Close your eyes and swing, and don't stop until you draw blood and they stop screaming for help." Thats just what the boy did, at first the man laughed than regreated that. For when the boy landed on his bed, he found his bat and then he swung until the man n
ot just stop screaming but stopped breathing. When the cops came all the boy could say was " he got what he deserved." The lady cop smiled and laughed and patted him on the back. than the boy fainted and woke up in the hospital not knowing how, why he was there. There were cops standing around him, few smiled with pride and some with a thirst for knowledge. Only the boy didn't know the questions nor the answers. What was he suppose to do now?




To be contuined.........

dont ask

I hate you for the way you make me feel.
I hate you for the way you make me think.
I hate you soo much and yet I still need you and want you.
Damn you for making me feel this way.
I hate love and we won't be together when my brain figures out how to control my heart.
But like all men it knows when to shutup and let the heart win.
"Only one time, for when you are hurt you won't want love again"
Is what the brain tells the heart.
Maybe, maybe not but look at her she smiles, laughs at all the jokes he says funny or not; she's perfect for now, not forever.
"True, he needs this, just once though."
So the heart and brain work together.
I love you.
I need you.
We will be together for now not forever.
You blow me off for your friends.
But you often blow me.
I will wait for you for now, not forever though.
For the brain has leacked one thing out you and I will never make it.
Love only exist when, two people can trust one another.
I can't trust you, cuz I love you!
I fear you will cheat, lie, and use me.
When this happens it will end.
Tears I shed, my heart will bleed and I will curse you name.
You will nolongerbe in my wet or dry dreams.
You and I will nolonger be.

THE END!

Hmmm ( bygone days)

This time last year I was making a car payment, employed at a job I hated and getting ready for the holidays. This time last year I was not enjoing life much, all I did was work and pay bills. Now at this point I am not paing bills nor am I working at a job that I hate. Also I am not getting ready for the holidays this year, I am not buying gifts this year. For the simple fact that i have mad only 1000 $ this year comare that to what I made last year that's not shit, actuially it's only 1/8 of what I am use to if you catch my drift. So I guess in the last year I have changed everything in my life. I don't have a car payment nor bills to pay, also I enjoy my job although I make 50$ aweek but yet I enjoy that. If I had more time I would proably get a second job but I dont have enough time nor do I have the ambsion to work a second job. Also the longer I tell my mom that I have a 50 dollar check the longer it takes for my truck to get fix noramally I would be very upset, but I don't care anymore. I ask you does this make me a lazy person or a selfish one? I feel that I am just prioratixing my time. And now I am enjoing life although i dont have much cash on hand nor am I getting out much but hey there's only 168 hrs in a week right?

rather happy!

Yes, I am aware this might send some of you into a coranary, but I am actually in a good moood.
I really have nothing to complain about and I rather enjoy life at this moment, I think I have really grown up. Meaning that life is not really a bitch anymore, for once in my life I am actually happy. I have a job, might be getting a new car cuz well it needs about a 700 dollars in repairs. So I am now looking for a new car that 50 bucks a week can afforde. So anyways I am really likeing my jobs and liking life most of all. One major downer is however is I got my cell phone bill, yea I will be hiding it from my parents. so anyways moving on i have some homework and I will be off to do it now ;( so talk to you all later bye.

I got bored and wrote a poem.

I have three circles of friends

all seem to be oblvious to emotinal pain

Look someone is motioning for me to come over

I start to walk, I fall into a deep black hole

I look up and try to climb out of it but the hole closes in on me

I start to dig and dig but the hole just gets deeper and thin

I'm starting to get closterphobic as I look up I see figures

I see them reach in for me and pull me out

I can see again, breath again, my friend tells a joke but I can't laugh

They look at me like I just kicked a cat

My friends say laugh

I say I can't

They say yes

Go like this

HAHAHAHA!

I simle so now I feel better

and I enjoy the party.

You're orange. You're strong and have the reflexes
of a tiger. You're overly protective, and
those skills come in handy... You're a natural
person, with a taste for natural foods (I mean
organic, here.). Well, that's not true.
...Just food in general! You're as
quick-witted as your reflexes, and sometimes
painfully logical. You love wild animals and
pets. (Preferably wild animals!) You're a
natural person, and a true child of Gaia.
You're a stimulating, and outgoing person. You
enjoy making people think, especially with your
infectiously spontaneous attitude. You're a
generally optomistic person, with a love for
showing off all of your good traits. Although
many people may see you as strung-out, or just
plain weird, you're very down-to-earth and
humble. You're incredibly sweet (as this
color's other name!), and you care about people
in general. As this color would describe,
you're energetic beyond all human
comprehension. You've got a nack for drawing,
and you enjoy it, too. When it comes to
school, you're a good listener with an even
better memory. You're studious... At least
when you need to be!

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I got a new job, it's at Meijer. I will be stacking and stuff. It's more than what I started out at GKC. But less than I was makeing there towards the end of my carreer at GKC, but it's still better than nothing. A big plus.
I don't consider myself a chicken, about many things. However I hate spiders and snakes. I found a huge spider in my bed today and well I killed it really quick. I also found a snake under my truck well that one took me a little while to get ride of, uke,. I well, the snake was on the drivers side of my truck. So to avoid the snake I went in through the passenger side of my truck.. So I kinda have to work on my phobia. Unfortanately for me AZ, is full of snakes, errrrr.. I shuder to think what will happen if there's a snake in my office and I have to deal with a patenit. Yea that will go over really well wont it, not. well im outie talk to yall lada.

This is my opinon on the race for the white house.!

Okay he has had three years to get Osmma Bin laden, and he has not. Instead he has made us a laughing stock and made us look like a bullie. Yes Saddam needed to be taken care of, but He should have gotten Osmma first. He had more of a reason to get him then Saddam. Another point is that Saddam has no weapons of mass-destruction. So Bush spent 100 billion dollars on a war just to make his daddy happy. Ummm what about the families that lost love ones for a war that should not of happened. Like a Mother said " I would of understood if my son died in Afghanistan, but not in Iraq. I mean will would have been devstated, but I would have understood more if it were in Afghanistan at least we had a point to be there to protect our nation and others." To me she made a very vailid point. Either way I support the troops, but not The President. I urge all who can read this to vote, not nesaceraily for John Kerry & John Edwards. But for something and make a point let your voice be herad and if you dont vote and you can dont come bitching to me when things arent going right. Also the economy SUCKS ASS!! The jobs that are out there suck ass his tax cuts have only widden the gap between the Rich and the poor, and middle class people are almost gone as well. I feel it's a shame when the most powerful contry in the world doesn't even offer Health Insurance to it's people. and Bush won't here of health insurance for all. It may cost a little bit of money, well a trillion dollars, but to know that everyone in this land will have health insurance when they need it, is a very good thing. I for one won't mind paing the tax height. I am not saing that the Dems are the best but for the next four years I would rather have a dem that has a good plan and an anti war image. Also one that has fought in Vetinam, even if his attendence was ify. Its better than haveing a Pres. that was MIA, no? Well that is my opinon and nothing will change it. So once again vote or shut up!!!!!1

Weekly Rant!!

To start things off I no longer like Dr. Phill, he is slowly becomeing the next Jerry Springer showy. If he did same of the things he does on his show, and I was a paing client I would want my money back. He looks at a situation as a one person problem, well it is, but doesn't try to understand why they do what they do he just yells at them for an hour and makes a million bucks.

Oh what else to say!